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Old 02-04-2010, 06:43 AM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 1
Daughterlost HB User
I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

First of all, thank you to anyone who reads and responds to me. I feel desperate at this time. My mom passed away in 95. She had a broken foot, a blood clot formed in her leg and a piece broke off, went to her lung and killed her instantly at the age of 52. Almost 15 years later, this last November, my dad passed away as well. My husband, daughter, and I had moved in with him because we had lost our home and his health was going downhill and he needed someone to care for him. Since April, my husband and I cared for his every need. He was bedridden for the most part but according to him, he was "happy". He told me that 2 days before entering the hospital in November. He had a sore throat on Sunday and on Monday, I noticed he was breathing heavier than usual so I called his doctor and said he needed to come in right away. My husband took him as I was watching my grandson and the doctor said he needed to go to the hospital because his oxygen saturation was low. He went in on Monday and on Wednesday I NOTICED that he had an inch thick 5 inch long strip of red next to his throat. The doctor called in a specialist and apparently his airway was swelling for some reason. At 3:30 am. the hospital called and said they needed to put an airway in or he would die in 10 minutes. I gave them the go ahead. My dad rallied in the hospital with his throat's swelling NEVER going down. While preparing for a trach to be put in and the ventilator to be taken off, while the surgeon was standing there with my brother and I, my dad went "code blue" and crashed. They brought in the cart and were able to bring him back 3 times but came outside the room finally and asked if we wanted to be there with him as he was not going to make it. I held his had and my brother held his other hand. I prayed "Our Father" while my dad slipped away. The look on his face was the most peaceful look I've seen on him in years. At that moment, I was so happy for him...and I still am. I am devastated for me, though. I don't know how to get through this. I cared for him every day...all day...and he is no longer here. I miss him like nothing else. Lastly, I feel like an orphan, even at 45 because I have no parents. Does anyone else feel this way or have any suggestions for helping me get through this. I truly AM happy for my is my selfishness that misses and needs him so badly.

The following user gives a hug of support to Daughterlost:
JanaJ (10-11-2011)
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