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Old 02-15-2010, 04:48 AM   #14
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 7
wantbhappy3 HB User
Re: I need some advice , please help....

Hi Kevin,

I cannot thank you enough. I have not gone yet to get retested BUT I did however ask a very close friend to come with to do so. She said she will take a day off next week and go with me. I have been very encouraged by your postings and go back and read them from time to time just so that I dont fall into a deep depression. Sounds pathetic but its the only thing I hold onto all day is yoru words and also my three month test.

On top of all my anguish, me and my boyfriend brokeup over the weekend and its so hard to deal with both this feeling of doom and gloom and now a break up. I read your postings on some elses thread about the reason we are so anxious about this virus. Your conclusion was that people feel guilty and the need to punish themselves. I couldnt agree with you more. Because I feel that way sometimes in my own irrational way, that God is trying to punish me for the carefree and free spirited person I was with my sexuality. Although I used protection with many of my past lovers, the partner I got tested for after three months I did not. Which is what sets in the guilt...that I shouldve and I didnt.

In any event thanks for posting that thread about guilt and punishing ourselves..that was a great theory. btw what were some of the symptoms you had that drove you to beleive you had HIV? Sorry if this is too personal to ask as I have not seen any threads from you that touches on that subject from you. I will do my best to go through with my retesting this time, until then I just have to wait for my friend to have an available day to go with me. BTw she was very supportive and told me she once had the same anxiety and got tested for HIV because she had a yeast infection. It turned out negative for her, but wish that was the ONLY symptom i have.

I've had so many that Its sooooooo hard to beleive it could be anything else. Not that I dont want to beleive its anything else. Also my doc sent me out to get my thyroids checked. gotta go this week.

sorry for rambling on you from the most sincerest place for your understanding and not brushing me off as most people would. Hope all is well and that you've had an amazing weekend,

With continued appreciation,