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Old 04-11-2010, 05:59 AM   #15
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: NJ, United States
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

Dear PrincessDad

I know its hard to watch but just as the judge Solomon had to decide what to do with the baby that had two mothers declaring the child theirs and one of them gave up the baby, we must sacrifice our fullest love for our parents but not holding them here to earth with us purely for our own selfish reasons.

I went through this with my Dad. Then it was my wonderful, life-giving, husband. He was so sick and when I prayed, I didn't know what to pray for. Numerous times it was Dear God, help me to understand, accept, and help him through this but please leave him here with us forever. Then other times is Dear God, please help him not suffer in pain and illness anymore. And if your divine plan is to take him, please, please help me understand and accept it as best for him.

He died right in front of my eyes in mid-sentence of a conversation with my son. It was just as simple (for him) of the ever-ready bunny's battery being removed. One minute here, the next gone. it will be 5 years Tuesday and while I miss him terribly with each breath I take, I'm sooo glad that he's not suffering in pain and illness anymore.

However my mother who I just lost last February, '09 -- from dementia. It was hard to know that she could no longer swallow. My sister tried to feed her and the nurses freaked saying it could go into her lungs because her body doesn't do what it usually does. She wanted her best friend around forever and my sister would've made a pack with the devil if she could've -- that's how hard my sister fought to have my mother stay on earth.

Her talks with our priest seemed to help her in some ways but I had to beg her to say to Mom that she can go, that she'd be okay. I told Mom she can go a week or two before my sister finally had the ability to say it herself.

So please understand, no one is being unreasonable in withholding food. There are just some things bodies can't do any longer. While I miss my husband, I hope when my time comes, it is fast and swift like his and not long and drawn out (5 weeks worth) like my mothers.

Take comfort in letting your Dad go. He's going to a much better place; warm, sunny, surrounded by unconditional, undying love.