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Old 05-08-2010, 11:31 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: Crush on Work Friend (pls read if you're bored. It's long. lol)

Goodness! Where to even start with this one!

First of all, SHE'S STRAIGHT! So take all of your first instincts about her and throw them out the window. Straight people and gay people of the same sex have two completely different ways of interpreting the same events with one another. But I will get back to that in a minute.

Second, you said your happily married and only want a be a friend, like you would to a guy.....and think about that for a second. Stop with the jealousy, stop with the crush idea, stop with the notions of her using you. The cigarette thing is no dif then if your guy buddy walked out with another buddy to have a smoke. Just two friends who enjoy each others company. Nothing more. She isn't using you, she hasn't asked you for anything. She sees you as a friend.....which is what you say you want....but then you rambled on and on about all of these feelings and how to interpret them....and omg I dont even know where to go from here! She sees you as a close friend, that she can chat with and talk about personal things with. That's a very special thing to a straight woman, but dont mistake it for lust, or any deeper feeling. Trust me, its strictly platonic. I went through exactly what your straight friend is going through....and my gay friend, whom i didnt know was gay, had a huge crush on me, and did a whole lot of nice things for me. Very similar to what you have done for her. She would try to cheer me up, and was just kinda allways there. And I adored her, and I would do the same for her. She got very jealous when I started dating my husband, who by the way could not stand her. And I just figured they were both jealouse about the time I spent with the other. Long story short, she decided to confess to me one day how she felt. This was the worst thing ever! Because had she been honest with me from the beginning, I could still completely see myself being friends with her, and being able to share with her, but it could have been on a more common ground that I dont share the feelings for women the way she feels for women. That we could be close, and open, and honest, but not anything more then really great friends. Well when she told me how she felt, I felt betrayed, disgusted, and ashamed. Our friendship ended, I couldnt trust her. I felt like every time I sat by her, she wanted me. It was very much like having a guy friend that I adore, and feel close to, one day come up and say he loves me. ICK! Not what I was after and it ruins the friendship. It did for me anyway. It made me second guess every time we spent together, and it made "ME" feel used. Like, was there any honest intent to any of it? Or was she allways just waiting for me to want more. Yeah, it didn't go well. So since you didnt tell her from the beginning, and she's been so honest with you about everything, the best you can ever hope for is leaving things how they are now. I cant stress it enough. All she wants is a friend.....nothing more. There is nothing more to read into. So just leave it there. Good luck to you.

Last edited by justmel30; 05-08-2010 at 05:16 PM.