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Old 05-20-2010, 09:44 AM   #15
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 7
rlover HB User
Re: help with dating someone with borderline

Thanks for sharing, and you must be a very patient man. I am sorry that it was not your X who was doing this. Best of luck to you though.

I love that the BPD girl can joke with the elephant analogy!
That means she is acknowleging that she has something in her she has to take care of and maintain. Somehow, many BPD including myself don't want to acknowlege "weakness"- but it is not a weakness. The elephant is a symptom of a "disease" that we need to manage forever.

Endemic to this disorder seems to be denial of many things, ideas, concepts, the world etc, not just "self". That is why we don't see the problem!!!!

In my late-teens to early 20's I THRIVED off of of self-denial. It was the only thing that gave me a sick joy. I was anorexic until I was tired of "lying and denying", so stopped that but not the denial.
I transformed anorexia into religious activity- compulsive, proud, dutiful activity that took up all my time. I was not happy but thought happiness is besides the point. I desired self-less duty. Who needs happiness when you are serving all people in your community correctly? Well, guess who got the brunt of my unhappiness? Yep- my BF. So, there are ramifications for denying listening to yourself.
Anyway what I have noticed is that even now that I am talking to a therapist, my self-denial keeps shape-shifting. This is crucial to see. I no longer am a religious fanatic, and only do moderate amounts of activity but now the self-denial comes in the form of my current BF, who expects so much from me. He has me under his thumb (though I don't know if he thinks he does) and I work on "denying my feelings" to be happy with him. We are the weirdest pair- he hates any show of emotion, which is my specialty! When I am with him it is as if I am at work. Focused, not basking in emotion that much, trying to control myself b/c he hates emo. display. Otherwise he is a good match for me and has good boundaries.

Last edited by Administrator; 06-13-2010 at 02:31 AM. Reason: Off topic. Please keep to the original question (dating someone with borderline). Start a new thread for new questions. Thx.