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Old 01-27-2011, 08:16 PM   #5
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 2
MadScientist176 HB User
Re: ADHD FiancÚ is Extremely Frustrating!

Thank you so much, janewhite1 and Thunor, for your thoughtful replies! You've both given me some things to consider here. I checked out that book, Thunor, and I might have him read it (and me, too). I also might have him read this thread; maybe it'll help.

I refuse to give up on him, because he is perfect is every other way and I know he could be highly successful if he could just overcome the effects of ADHD. I talked about this topic with him last night again; we got into a huge argument at first. He really does not want to take medication and said that he wants to change his "habits" instead. He thinks that he can change his habits by simply trying to focus on what he needs to do and getting certain tasks done... but he is just using his own willpower to do this, nothing else. Plus, I still have to remind him to do things, so he's not really accomplishing anything. I tried to tell him this but he basically just said, "Well, the medications only mask the symptoms, too" and got very defensive. Eventually, the conversation became less heated and we worked something out, that was kind of his idea: he will read his entire personal trainer book and I'll assign him essays each week, on each chapter. I agreed with him that this will help him read, write, and organize, and will prep him for his course in May... but it won't allow him to fully conquer his ADHD, as it pervades other areas of his life as well.

I want to marry this man and I don't want to end up divorced after a few years. I keep telling him that taking the Nurse Assistant course is his last chance; that if he doesn't successfully complete the course and get a job afterwards, that we will have to be separated for some time or I might have to leave him, and I don't want this to happen. To this he says, "Well, if I'm that much of a screw-up, then you shouldn't be with me anyway." It's like he doesn't even want to try. I wonder if he's hiding some negative feelings about ADHD, or shame. I just really want to help him overcome this issue, and since his ADHD seems to be really bad (I have another friend who says he has ADHD, gets straight-As in college, and apparently doesn't take medication for it; he's baffled that my fiancÚ can't do this on his own like he can), medication seems to be the best option for now. The problem is that, not only does he hate medication because of the side effects, but he also believes that because he has a car now, is driving, is getting a job soon, is taking a course, that he does not need to address his ADHD; he thinks he's conquering it by doing those things. However, I can still plainly recognize that it affects him negatively. How can I convince him that medication could be used as a preventative measure against future failure?