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Old 05-30-2011, 04:11 AM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: england
Posts: 7
mandybee333 HB User
Anxiety from childhood

Anxiety from childhood


Hi, I have suffered from anxiety, panic attacks for most of my life , but more so over the last six years, my childhood years were quite hard, my mum and dad had affairs, my dad got drunk and was violent, I was left to do what I wanted from about 12 or so, mainly I got out of the house and came back late, sometimes they were there, sometimes mum and my younger brother would be out hiding from my dad I would look for them in back alleys. Mum left with my brother,but I couldn't leave my dad he would be too sad, so mum came back after a couple of days because I wouldn't go. Dad started to work away, Mum became my best friend and came to pubs with me, was friends with all my friends, Everyone liked her she is good looking and lots of fun, she slept with some of my friends, I wanted a mum not a friend.
I got married had a child, Mum and Dad divorced, I divorced, things smoothed out, Dad got married again seems happy, Mum lives on her own she is happy lots of friends, found god. We never talk about the past, she is a good mum, we are very close, I know I can always turn to mum or dad for help I have always known they love me. I spend my life trying to make the perfect family, I find a lovely man, he helps bring up my son,we have a lovely home after 20 years together everything is good, except me, I keep thinking about bits of my childhood, it makes me feel sick, panicky and ill.I have ibs I feel ill most days of the week I am on antidepressants. This week my mum said something about the past and I asked her not to say things as it really upsets me, she was very suprised as I have never said this before, I usually just changed the subject. She said she always assumed I had put the past behind, why wouldn't she I never talk about it. Now she wants to help in anyway she can to make me well, I feel terrified .

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