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Old 06-03-2011, 10:51 AM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2008
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katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: Girlfriend victim of SRA and sexual abuse. Need someone to talk to BADLY.

Okay, lets answer some questions....

So I guess my questions are:
-How do I fight abuse victim thinking (I'm worthless, don't deserve good things, and I deserve to feel and think the way I do because of what I went through),

You can't, because it's not your thinking. You can't fight her feelings for her, she has to get to a psychiatrist, get treatment, i.e. therapy, meds, and work on this herself.

-what can I do to be more patient,

Just be more Patient...don't question her, don't constantly tell her you want to help her, don't constantly tell her you want her to be better or have a better life or not be so sad, etc...Keep your thoughts to yourself and be's very hard, I know.

- what can I do to understand her feelings and thinking better,

You can go see a Psychiatrist and or a support group for loved ones of victims of abuse and deal with your feelings and emotions about all of this, it will help you. But don't drag her into your understanding and getting help, this is for you.

-How do I encourage her when she seems to not want to be encouraged

You keep it simple, say something nice, "You look pretty today" and drop it. When you overload someone with encouragement it's kind of like putting negative numbers together, you get the opposite of what you want.

You sound like a really great guy, but unfortunatly most of these issues you mention have to be solved by your GF, before she can share them with you. It sounds like she has a lot of healing to do and it takes time, a long time. You also have to do your own learning and understanding of the situation and perhaps realize that some of the things you want may never happen.....and yo have to decide if this is what's right for you for the long haul....because honestly it won't ever be over for her, not the kind of trauma you've listed, this is a lifelong deal.

So, the best thing you can do is decide if you can handle this, because if you can't, it's not right to drag it on.

I wish you well and hope that the 2 of you can figure this out. Everyone thats been hurt this bad deserves a guy like you to want to make it right, please know, that's really a great thing. )