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Old 07-25-2011, 07:01 AM   #9
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Brandon, Mississippi, USA
Posts: 544
kenbob71 HB Userkenbob71 HB Userkenbob71 HB Userkenbob71 HB Userkenbob71 HB User
Re: Alzheimers spouse


Remember. Above all else you are human. You are being forced to go into a situation that you didn't ask for or ever imagine. Of course you are angry. And sad. And whatever other emotion you can come up with. That is part of the grieving process that you are already into.

I'd had training in grief lay counseling, and had led a few grief groups. But never realized the symptoms in myself. Yes, your husband is still with you in body. But you already see so much slipping away that no one else sees, or wants to admit. By the time my wife died, I'd pretty much already grieved about as much as I could. Then three days later, my mom suddenly passed away. I had NO emotions left for that. And two years later, still not much.

There is no owner's manual to tell you how to do this. And no one on the outside (even your children) really know what you are going through. i'm sure you shield them from a lot. So please allow yourself the grace to just face this one day at a time... as best you can. You will make some mistakes along the way. Lord knows I did. But you have to forgive yourself every morning before you get up, and every day when you finally go to bed.

Yes, it is lonely. Yes, it is sad. Yes, it is frustrating and overwhelming. But I"m here to tell you... You are SO much stronger than you ever knew you could be.

There's that saying that God doesn't more on you than you can handle. Some days I really thought that He'd overestimated my abilities. But (as trite as this sounds to some folks) just put your faith on the line and He will get you through it.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or wrong. If someone thinks you are not handling things in the right way, invite them to come stay for a couple of weeks while you go on a cruise. I did that with the in-laws. After that, they "got it"!

Please keep posting. And I'll keep coming back to check on you. Look into Medicaid to start helping you financially. Check with your local Alzheimer's Assn. They probably have a lot of resources that you never even thought about. And they can start helping you down the right paths.

And start now, while things are fairly calm. The more you can do now to prepare, the better off you will be.

Also, don't be afraid to bring your family in to help. Don't try this alone!

Check around to see if there is a Caregiver's Group somewhere close. I found one at a church nearby, and it was a lifesaver for me. I still go from time to time. And have actually been able to start working with a guy who's wife has Huntington's Disease. (Wow. And I thought I had it bad)

I'll check in later. K

Last edited by kenbob71; 07-25-2011 at 07:03 AM.