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Old 10-24-2011, 12:36 PM   #2
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Re: Help, my Mom is scaring us all!!


You need to understand that your Mom will never admit that she has dementia. You said she denies it. Of course she denies it. My FIL denied that he has Alzheimer's although he admits his brain has something wrong and he has some memory loss. He refused to believe that he is sicker due to Alzheimer's. Now he is in stage 7. It does not matter if she denies it or admits it. She won't understand what is wrong with herself.

Certainly your Dad's denial does not help as he is the main caregiver.

Although many people understand dementia, it is still hard to believe or see it in real life. At least you know that you cannot argue or reason with her. Maybe that is why she is mean because none of you is able to tell her gently what to do. This happens. In the beginning before we knew that my FIL had Alzheimer's, he had funny behaviors or attitude and my husband once in a while would argue with him saying he could not be so mean and etc. Gradually we know we should not do that. You see, she may understand your blame or anger, but she won't understand why because she has faulty logic. She will never see it. So the caregivers have to back down to please her or gently guide her in toileting, dressing and eating and etc.

If she really has some anger issue, ask the doctor for antidepressant or antipsychotic drugs.

Your Dad needs a part-time helper who can come to care for her so your Dad has a break.

You may ask for a professional from home care co. to come to talk to your Dad and family. (not with your Mom who is very confused.) Hope your Dad can be educated about this issue. She will get worse and he cannot continue to be the same. Some plan has to be set up as she will need 24 hours home care in the future and evetually ends up in the home for dementia when she gets sicker.

Take care,

Last edited by ninamarc; 10-24-2011 at 12:38 PM.

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