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Old 12-01-2011, 01:07 PM   #25
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 93
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Re: ADHD frustration

It's so good to know that others wonder how I'm doing. I feel like such a social recluse on these boards and in my life, and I feel like I don't deserve anyone to care how I'm doing since I'm so self-focused. So thank you. To be honest I feel like I'm so busy lately I have very little time to do the things I really want to do.

Please bear with me here. I may have called myself ADHD inattentive before, but I'm beginning to think that hyperactive "H" is there for a reason. It feels as if I've gone hyperactive now as I can't seem to slow down. I'm not on any meds at all, and I feel like I've turned into a crazy man who can't slow down. There are about a million thoughts in my head at any time right now, and it's coming out in lots of activity and nervous energy. Can an ADDer just flip like that?

It's been an interesting ride lately. The Thanksgiving holidays were good though I can certainly tell how much the meds help. I took Adderall 5 mg on Saturday to see if it could give me a little "umph" to get through the day. It seemed to help, but it was intentionally a very small dose. I still got a minor headache in the evening but an ibuprofen knocked it out. (I took Adderall 5 mg again this morning and felt nothing ... except the headache that is just beginning to come on.)

I had an epiphany Sunday night / Monday morning. "I have ADD!" I believe it. I know it. I'm no longer questioning it. I don't know what happened to cause me to believe it, but I do now and that helps a lot. At least I know what I'm dealing with.

It's been a little crazy this week. I did some reading online about coping with ADD and started using tasks lists. I always used them at work, but I started using them in my life. Instead of procrastinating and putting things off like I used to I'm making myself check things off my list each day. I push myself to do things and make progress. I think I'm keeping it pretty simple, but it's a lot of work. Maybe I've overdoing it because I feel like I'm exhausting myself. I don't feel like myself at all. I feel like a robot just trying to keep up. I'm not happy but I'm very productive. I'm not sure if that's a good trade-off.

Good news! I have an appointment with a neurologist on 12/14! I'm looking forward to it very much. I'm tired of trying to play doctor myself. This neurologist was recommended to me by my therapist.

I've been exercising fairly regularly so I feel good about that. Thanks for your encouragement on that stressless. This morning while walking on the treadmill I began reading "Delivered from Distraction". It's very interesting and eye-opening so far.

Back to work for me.