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Old 12-21-2011, 07:28 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Mountain Standard Time, U.S.A.
Posts: 5
DuctTapedGoat HB User
Wink Re: Whats wrong with me?

Originally Posted by BrazenBull View Post
Since I was little I would have Daydreams or images of killing my friends and family.

I would never do it but I cant stop the thoughts.

I have gone as far to thinking of how I would do it and deal with the after affects.

Recently I have thought of killing everyone in my house while they were sleeping by stabbing them.

I talked to my mom and she said a lot of out family has those problems and schizophrenia runs in our family.

The only experience I have had with it is sometimes while in trying to sleep I would hear people I know calling my name in my head once or twice. No it was not a dream or a hallucination. The voice came from my head!

What is this?
Schizophrenia can be a very scary illness. It sounds like you have family support, which is great - many people don't have that.

When I dealt with similar (actually very similar) symptoms in high school, I got into meditation and things of spiritual nature and eastern philosophy. It made a huge difference in how my mind coped with the thoughts that entered it, and allowed me to control the thoughts that are already there.

I wish I could be more help, as I can only relate from my own similar experiences. The first meditation that I ever learned that helped me when I began hearing voices in my head (both familiar voices, and unfamiliar voices) was a color sphere meditation. You sit all indian style and meditate on the colors of the rainbow as 7 spheres of light, Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo and Violet. One at a time imagine them above your head and let the light fill your body all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes. The slower you imagine the light fill your body, the more relaxed you can become. After you go through all 7 colors, imagine a golden sphere bigger than all the other ones and do the same thing. I did this every day for a month, and it helped.

I haven't thought of that meditation in YEARS, but you reminded me of it when you mentioned hearing familiar voices in your head.