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Old 12-22-2011, 04:07 PM   #1
mellow's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: NY
Posts: 59
mellow HB Usermellow HB Usermellow HB Usermellow HB Usermellow HB User
Feel empty and emotionless

Hi all,

I have been with my husband a total of 10 years and married almost 8 years. I knew when we first started dating that he was busy being a small business owner. He was always a go getter and working a lot. I worked and was busy with a social life and things were good. We were both raised in families that did not show feelings or emotions, so I am sure you know where part of this is going. Fast forward a few years. The business (which includes 3 small retail stores) is having some financial problems. Being that my husbands father was part owner in the business he was also drawing a paycheck but was not working at the business at all for years. Father in law becomes ill and his part of business gets transferred in my name, I borrow money from family to try to bail the business out NOT knowing my inlaws ares stealing from it on top of collecting paychecks for 20 years. BIG huge mess! Husband and I are already not doing well in the relationship and now this huge blow.

I am angry at my husband for being so blind and trusting even though it was his own parents, I owe my family thousands of dollars, his parents take no responsibility for the 2 stores that have closed down now because of this mess, my husband is now working double in the one store we do have then he was in the three stores we had to try to make ends meet. I am angry at him for not cutting his parents off of payroll when the stores went into financial troubles, as he cut his pay down to bare minimum and he was physically working. I am angry at myself for not getting more involved and for trusting them myself. They stole thousands....and my husband still chooses to split holiday time between me and them. I feel like he is sneaky behind my back with them (even though they barely speak to him, imagine that)

But most of all, I am hurt by the lack of compassion, support from my husband. He has not reached out to me, not hugged me once in all of the times I have cried over this, gotten so depressed. My own life has gone through it's own major health changes while all of this was happening and never once did he offer to help me with doctor's appointments or even know when I was going. (I even lost my job & became disabled due to a Worker's Comp case from so many surgeries) He is and always has been so consumed with "his life and work". My family says it's not personal, that he is just scatter brained, but I don't accept it anymore....where does my life come into play, when does my life matter, it has been about his BS for 10 years and now I am in financial devastation and owe family money because of it too. He finally went to a doctor, who has DX with adult ADD. GO FIGURE....

I am so tired of being alone...yet I am married. Sometimes I look at him while he sleeps and wonder why the heck did I marry him. Other times, I think, maybe we can work it out, but it would take a lot of work and patience, something we would both need to invest in....just don't know if I want to put that much effort in anymore.

Needless to say my emotions are kind of empty for him right now and he doesn't get it, he thinks things are ok. How do you think things are good when you don't sleep together, barely kiss, speak or see each other for days at a time??? How is that a good healthy relationship? And when we do speak, it's arguing? SO very tired...

Thanks for reading this long story.....

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