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Old 01-18-2012, 12:33 AM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: california
Posts: 4
student4toolong HB User
Re: Can someone have a delayed response to abuse?

Reading your message makes me finally understand why I feel the way I felt, and feel; and why I acted the way I acted, and still act. This whole time I was just trying to protect myself, to survive. It's been a while since I've moved out and I felt so unsettled for so long. Now that I've seen the truth, even though I feel depressed, angry, and resentful, somehow I feel relieved.

I have started to see a therapist a few months ago. And, actually after I posted on here I made an appointment with my therapist. She was the first person I've told about this. After I told her I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, like I had betrayed the most sacred secret between my father and me. But, I know that I shouldn't feel guilty. Like you said, I shouldn't feel guilty because this wasn't my choice -- I didn't ask for this.

It's funny, if this happened to one of my friends, I would have a much different opinion -- I would know that it is clearly wrong. But, being in the actual situation, it's different, especially with something like non-contact abuse. I thought that for a very long time that abuse was only physical, it wasn't until I was much older (in college) that I was introduced to the idea of verbal and sexual (non-contact) abuse. I still don't know if my father touched me, but I know his brother (my uncle) touched me when I was in elementary school. I tried telling my Dad but he said that I should be nice to my uncle. I even tried telling my mom that Dad would sometimes watch me shower and change, and she would brush it off saying that it was an accident and that it's actually a funny accident, making jokes that my father was sexually harassing me. I thought I was overreacting. I wish that my mother took me more seriously.

If there are others reading this, please trust me on this. If you feel uncomfortable around your father, in a sexual way, then something isn't right.