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Old 04-04-2012, 10:22 AM   #5
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Location: charlotte, nc, usa
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Re: Best way to take away car?

Jim, you are NOT alone in this crazy world of dementia. Sometimes it does appear that way when you are in the middle of a situation with a loved one but know there are many that are or have gone through the same thing. You just have to find us... and you did.

Yes, you are doing what is right and the little fibblets are necessary and needed. When open expanded honest only sends our loved ones into turmoil, we have to step into their reality and give them what they need to find comfort. Mom's thing was "going home". Not today Mom because it is raining but maybe Saturday! It's already dark, maybe tomorrow. Oh but the van is being repaired, when it gets back Yes, my Dad had Vascular Dementia and Mom was his care giver when Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. For 3.5 years we had them both. During that time my FIL suffered from stroke related dementia after breaking his neck and my MIL from an undermined type of dementia. Now I just have Mom left who is deep into her Alzheimer's.

Yep, staying in the moment is a lesson we could learn from our loved ones with dementia. We tend to look back and wish/regret/compare. We tend to look forward to what will never be. What we need to do is just stay in the moment with them, ease their fears in the moment, and find the moments we can enjoy. It gives new meaning to go with the flow of what you are given in the moment.

The early stages of this disease, for me, were the most difficult. The role reversal was not easy. Then having to take away responsibility and privileges is even more difficult.... especially when it is wrapped in the loved one's inability to understand that you are trying to help and protect them. There is so much to be done and no clear path to get where you want to be. Kudo's to you and his daughter for taking the hard steps to ensure his well being This is when the finances can go out of control for sure. I remember Mom (bookkeeper with an amazing financial awareness) don't things that made me go HUMM! Her financial decisions were.. disastrous at times. Not to mention she couldn't keep up with money, where it went, and how much she had. She was about to become a victim of a shady legal scam when I stepped in. To my shock and surprise she turned over the financial POA! It was a moment of clarity when I think she shocked herself... but that passed quickly! Working with her financial adviser I was able to stop the monies transfer and from that point we controlled her money flow.

The next step was moving Mom and Dad out of their home of 53 years. That was NOT easy since it was also my home for the same amount of time. We did try in home care for a year but Mom hated that lady who always spied on her. That and the loss of driving privileges is what landed Mom and Dad in Assisted Living. Not to mention when you have two with dementia in the same house... they feed off of the worst of each other because neither knows how to deal with the other The transition was not easy for either of them but I have no regrets.. except perhaps I should have done it earlier! Is your Uncle still living at home?

Again welcome and glad to see you posting Drag up a chair and stay a while!!

Love, deb