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Old 05-29-2012, 05:49 AM   #30
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 5
NervousNilly HB User
Re: My girlfriend just told me she has HPV

Originally Posted by sarberrie View Post
I agree, the world does suck. And HPV sucks. There's a lot of gray areas with it. One of the main reasons I never disclosed my high risk HPV before sex was because it was not longer a huge part of my life. I had the abnormal pap, had the colposcopy and my results showed very very low grade cell changes. Obviously, had the abnormal cells been more abnormal and required removal, it would have been a larger part of my life, and I don't doubt I would have said something, but my doctor had laid to rest my fears and assured me it wasn't necessary to disclose. Clearly I regret taking her advice, but I know that it is impossible to go back in time, so I have chosen to only learn from it. I'm currently on a dating website and the first lines of my profile say "I want to disclose that I have a past history with HPV, so if this in an issue, please go on to the next profile." I figure better get it out there before having even 1 date, let alone sex. But here's my question........does it ever become ok to not tell? I mean, what if I have normal pap smears and no signs of HPV for lets say I really still need to inform future partners? Part of me thinks no, I do not. But then another part thinks well what if i am with someone and the HPV I lie and pretend I've never dealt with it, or do I come clean and say I've dealt with it before and risk losing the relationship? As of now, I'm telling anyone I may potentially date, but I just wonder.....will there be a point when I don't really have to tell? Or should I just tell forever, even if I've been declared cleared of the virus?
HPV really sucks, not only for the risk it carries but also the fact that doctors tell you you don't have to tell, you take the advice and you are forced to suffer the consequences. I dealt with that. I was friends with an ex-boyfriend after our breakup and now we are enemies forever. I thought supplements would kill it, so I just took those and never thought about it again, forgot about it by the time I dated him. He said, "To act like it didn't even cross your mind, sorry something like this is not so easily forgotten." I didn't tell him that my doctor told me there is "a question whether to tell" because I have people close to me in the medical field and wasn't sure if he was going to say something to someone being how angry he naturally was. And he wasn't going to believe that I heard from my doctor upon initial diagnosis that it doesn't hurt men, as he read ALL about the cancer risks. My doctor told me that every woman would test positive at some point, so I ignored it and moved on with my life. I figured based on what I was told that I wasn't any more likely to infect a prospective partner than the next woman.

I'm still blocked on ********. And after the incident, I had at least two more doctors tell me I didn't have to disclose HPV!!! What gives? Like I'm going to put myself or someone else in that position again. My ex, I hear, is now engaged to be married. So I am in the added position of feeling guilty that now another woman may have to face the risks of HPV.

Do these doctors know what they are doing to patients (and their future partners and those partners' future partners) by telling them to presume that everyone has HPV anyway (the idea I took with me into that past relationship I describe)? They are encouraging the spread of this virus. And they are opening up otherwise well-meaning people to the understandable anger of their partners and the destruction of relationships and post-relationship friendships. They put these people in an awkward position of explaining themselves while they are walking on eggshells. They are even opening up these otherwise well-meaning people to face criminal charges in some states! There are victims not only among the partners but among the transmitters as well. I hope Dateline gets wind of this.