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Old 11-15-2012, 03:17 AM   #18
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR, USA
Posts: 28
statikkat17 HB User
Re: My friend making bad decisions with her 15yo daughter

I used to cut because i felt trapped by my family situation and the stress and pressure of my parents and teachers expecting too much of me. I didn't cut for very long, but I ended up getting into lots of fights with my parents, and my mum was one of the main reasons I would hurt myself (it was a twisted warped notion that i was getting back at her for all the emotional stress she caused me, and the clincher was that she didn't know anything about it), I had also suffered from anorexia in middle school and those tendencies pop up whenever i'm extremely stressed out or emotionally/mentally unstable or at my wits end. Soon after i stopped cutting I ended up being sent to the ER for suicide watch and all the doctors and social workers had to check and see all my scars... it was a giant jolt back to reality for me and I really started working on getting better afterwards.
I still have friends who are self harmers, and I've had to grow up much faster than I should have because my older sister has also self harmed due to serious mental issues. So i have had to grow up and out of it since she is in a much more vulnerable situation, I end up being the "older sister" most of the time when i do interact with her.
And with my friends who still self harm, it seems pointless to me to self harm now that i look back on it, but i know that i can't change their behaviors so i just do my best to make sure that they're safe and that they have someone they can talk to. Self harmers are very sensitive people, and are ashamed of what they do. So any pressure from people to stop or dismiss it can make it much worse... again, it's like an addiction. its their only coping mechanism that they think works.
But its an endless cycle. They get upset and stressed out to an extent that they can't deal with it, and so they cut. even though they know they will feel twice as bad afterwards, but for that short moment they are distracted and don't feel that emotional turmoil. and it happens over and over and over again.
I don't recommend you or your friend to talk to K specifically about her self harming, but to just let her know that you are there to listen if she needs someone to talk to. That you're there if she needs a hug. Also, i urge you to encourage your friend to check in with the therapist (since K is under 18, her mum can check in with the therapist to see how things are going). i also think it would be a good idea for K's mum to be part of the process of k getting better because its a group effort, no one can do it alone.
Also with the eating disorder, I don't really know if there is much you personally can do, you can't force her to eat and that will only make things worse). I know friends who have gone to inpatient rehab for eating disorders and those that i know who have are much better now and have regular eating habits and better self esteem and self images. it's either something you overcome by yourself when you are ready to accept that it needs to stop, or it gets to the point where the people around you have to check you into rehab or a hospital.
I'm sorry if some of this sounds glum, but it is. Hopefully this is partially due to teen rebellion and that horrible stage everyone goes through in high school and it will slowly start to get better, but if it isn't than i would simply keep an eye on her and watch her progress. (sorry that was really long).

Last edited by statikkat17; 11-15-2012 at 03:19 AM.