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Old 11-29-2012, 10:38 PM   #11
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Metro Detroit, Mi.
Posts: 328
tearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB User
Re: the urge is almost unbearable

Thanks Flame, I don't know that they will or would tell anyone about my scars it is just a huge fear. To me it I know is part of my issues that my Pdoc would tell me that I need to question which lense am I looking at it through the one the tells me I am a worthless failure and knows that everyone else knows that or the logical lens that takes that statement and makes me look at it how others might actually percieve me it isn't easy. He tells me that my black and what view of the world is often wrong an based simply on my opinions of my self no factual evidence just how I judge me. I guess the reason this probably bothers me the most is that it is abdominal surgery and that is an area that when I have cut in the past I sort of viewed as my private battlefield I don't wear low rise pants, midriff baring tops or two piece swiming suits so as a single woman no one sees that area ever so it was safe from view and now I can't cover it with the hospital gown as that is the area they will need to make incisions. What if I have made my recovery from surgery jeopardize somehow by my past self harming?