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Old 11-30-2012, 11:00 AM   #11
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 26
sportivetricks HB User
Re: Simple Questions? Or not.

Okay, this is just making me EXTREMELY frustrated, and I think I am all done with looking for advice on this board. I'm sorry Kszan, but your position on this is insensitive and, quite frankly, very cruel. First off, you have lots of things WRONG. I said the problem is that she calls the guy "my husband" and not "my EX husband," which I find very troubling and insensitive to my feelings.

Get it? I do NOT mean this as a personal attack, but it doesn't seem like you care much at all about how things make me feel. You don't seem to care about my emotional reactions to how she says things that obscure the closure that I'm worried she doesn't fully have.

Would you object if a girlfriend was in here troubled by her current boyfriend referring to someone he broke up with 4 years ago as "my girlfriend"? What if he was discussing "my relationship" when he's talking about something that is OVER and not what he is currently supposed to be focused on??? How about if she felt uncomfortable that he kept mementos from this relationship around??? I simply do NOT agree with you that anyone's partner should be authorized to run roughshod through their feelings and retreat to logical arguments for why they are authorized to do so. Emotions don't respond to logic. Does she have a right to call that "my marriage," or call the guy "the love of my life" or to say whatever she wants about it??? YES, absolutely. Nobody's putting her in jail for that. But is it too much to ask her not to say things that hurt me??? Should she be sensitive to the feelings of someone she loves?

Sorry, but I'm not a child and I am not going to be spanked and sent to bed because I came here asking for advice about how to approach my partner about things that trouble me. They trouble me, and that's a fact. Just as much as her previous marriage is a fact. So if you're not willing to help me work on that and can only tell me to shut up and ignore my feelings, then I have no use for you.

Okay, AllandNothing. No, I didn't try to stop the wedding, I didn't think it was my place. I told her that I loved her too, but I thought she should do what she thought was right. I didn't think 3 months of stolen moments gave me the right to tell her what to do with her life.

Last edited by sportivetricks; 11-30-2012 at 11:06 AM.