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Old 02-08-2013, 12:04 AM   #4
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Location: charlotte, nc, usa
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Re: Getting ready to move my mom

I agree that less is better. If your Mom is normally cooperative and understands your explanations then you can try to explain as simply as possible. But in most cases you can explain until you are blue in the face and she will either not understand what you are trying to tell her, argue with you because it is new and different and fearful, or give hollow agreement, forget, and balk later.

I went through the explanation with Mom when she moved to AL. After days of talking there was some understanding and agreement but that soon vanished. We did it again and she lost it again. The final explanation stuck for less than 24 hours. 18 months later when she moved to the dementia unit, I explained nothing. She went for a day with the grand daughters while we packed up her belongings from AL and it was off to the dementia unit. A little more time with the grand daughters while we moved in about a third of her belongings and she entered the unit with her room all set up. We visited the room, which was set up very much like her AL room without all the extras, and it was off to lunch and entertainment. She actually did better with the second move. There was no anxiety before hand.

If possible set the furniture up as similar to AL as you can. Do take that favorite chair, her same bed spread, comforter, and sheets, and the pictures off the wall that she is familiar with. Eliminate anything that is not essential. Seven outfits is gracious plenty. Reduce the toiletries to the bare minimum. Less is absolutely better.

I only discussed finances when Mom brought it up. If she would ask, I had a copy of her financial statements in my pocket book. I would show them to her, she would get confused and walk off, and I could put them back in my pocket book until the next time. If she ask who was paying, I could remind her of the LTD insurance she had. No extended conversation, just short simple answers. It was about the time she went to the dementia unit that she stopped asking.

You Mom sounds a lot like mine. A very independent spit fire of a lady that would depend on nobody but herself. Giving in to Alzheimer's... she didn't!! She was always FINE! We even declared we were going to have that engraved on her tombstone... "I'm Fine!"

You know your Mom and her responses better than anybody but remember that you said in your post that she does not process new information.... less is better! Don't overwhelm her with explanations. Just make it happen as seamlessly as possible setting it all up as similar as possible... I would do this when she was not present....and then have the facility keep her very very busy!

Love, deb