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Old 02-08-2013, 04:33 PM   #4
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Location: San Diego California
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Re: After the loss of my mother, I am terrified of her room and the dark.

Oh my goodness, what a selfish action on your sisters part. Of course you would have been there if you had any idea. I understand your situation totally, and both my parents died while my sister and I fought over everything. It was just terrible, and came down to the funeral being the last time we will ever see each other again.

Please release the guilt you are holding, as in her moment of passing, you know your mother was at rest with all the wordly chores and matters. I stayed with my father in hospice for 16 days, afraid to leave for anything, having food delivered and friends bringing things I needed. My sister only came once until the night I called her thinking it was close. He passed the next morning, while she was out to breakfast. So I understand how painful it is to be in a family war, and for one person to do such a thing to her sister at such a delicate time must be something she will always regret. I hope you can find some peace with this, although it is very fresh, with it being so close in time.

What has happened with you and your sister since? For me, by the time of the double funeral, my sister and I were completely fractured, and will remain so. In our case, we had only tolerated each other for the sake of my parents, and they insisted on it.

About her room, and the hallway, take your time. It is so soon, you need to be very gentle with yourself for now. You have gone through something we all have to endure in our lives, with less than the very best circumstances. What is really important is not the very last hours or minutes, but the entire life you shared with your mother. That is the relationship you enjoyed and made you the person you are today. While few of us really get to spend the last of our parents lives as we wish we could, that moment will fade, and your memories will be about all the moments in your life, I promise. No one can take that away from you, even your sisters bad act.

Give yourself time and let your heart heal. Make sure to give yourself all the time and emotion it takes to get through this. Let it out...