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Old 02-28-2013, 02:46 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Kolkata
Posts: 1
buck82 HB User
How to tell my prospective in-laws that I was married before?

Hi all,

I am having sleepless nights for a peculiar problem. I was a very bright student before I met my first girlfriend at 17. I lost all interest in academics and both of us ventured in creative field after hurriedly tying the knot at 23. We both struggled but succeeded. I worked very hard in networking for her, kind of managed her career more than doing a favor to my own. Everything was going fine till a sudden collapse. She cheated on me and left. I was 27 then. Heartbroken, I had no motivation in life as my life's plan was centered on her.

Then I met a girl (similarly heartbroken after a long relation) and we kind of stabilized each other. I thought about shifting to a more secure profile and started studying again. Got admission to a dream course in college. I am 30 now, already a topper in college. My girlfriend is 27 and is a doctoral student. We are already in a 2yr relation and live together most of the time. Everything positive in my life is happening because of her, as she supported and encouraged me to fulfill my dreams. We are planning to marry after I finish my college and she finishes her PhD. Her parents adore me; we are in very good terms. Only thing is they don't know that I am divorced.

Here in India there is a certain stigma attached to divorce and she is their only child. She often cries in fear of how she would tell her parents the hidden truth behind me. They support our relation and often make grand plans about our wedding. I often join their family gatherings and go on vacation with them. We shiver in the thought how to break the news to them. What complicates matters more, at the start they asked her (because of some gossip) if I was married before and she denied.

It is possible to hide my divorce completely and get married. Another option is to settle in some other country (it's possible, because she can get offers for Post-doctorate), but that would be very hard for me financially. We canít even delay marriage for more than 2yrs, as we have to plan kids (She is 27 now). Moreover I really donít want to start a new married life lying to her relatives. I consider her family my own, and if they donít approve it I will lose a lot of wonderful people with whom I have already got emotionally attached.

I told her to give me 2yrs; we will write a long letter explaining the situation. That our intentions were good, we were just scared. We have a bright career ahead, love each other and are very happy together. But we have no idea how her parents and particularly her extended family would react. Please advice.

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