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Old 03-08-2013, 05:38 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4
Becci101 HB User
Unhappy I never want to go out- am I depressed? My partner still goes out loads- never see hi

Hi there.

I am 25 in just under a month and I'm starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me...because I NEVER want to go out socially anymore. I started a PGCE 6 months ago and I'm almost two third's of the way through it but it's really, really intense and I work 80-100 hours a week some weeks, juggling Uni Masters level assignments, other Uni deadlines, teaching, planning, marking, evaluating and reflecting.

To cut a long story short, I started getting a bit 'bored' of going out before I started my PGCE and didn't want to socialise with the same people anymore doing the same things in the same places. In the city I live in, me and my partner of over 5 years, have alot of the same friends and the same social group. Most of them drink loads very often and do other drugs, sometimes coming home as late as 11 in the morning. This is why I started getting 'bored' with this way of life before I started my PGCE, when I was about 23/24.

The problem is, my partner isn't bored with this way of life, or these friends or those places or those people. And when I'm not at Uni or school I'm so exhausted that I just want to watch a film and cuddle up with him and eat nice food. But he wants to go out- and the only time I'm free and not collapsing is the time he's wanting to go out. He wants to go out without fail every single weekend. He also goes to the pub in the week and other social activities, and while I like being home sometimes on my own, on the weekends I feel really lonely and I just cry for ages...I just want him to come home so that we can spend time together but the problem is- this is every weekend and he obviously doesn't want to be here else he would be here! Sometimes he comes home as late as 7am even though we have specific plans for the next day, and it scares me seeing him so high when he comes back even though I used to do that sort of thing now and again.

In a perfect world things wouldn't be like this and he wouldn't feel the need to go out all the time and we would have a normal, mid- 20's relationship (is it normal?!). I'm not wanting to control him, I just feel like I am growing up and 'settling down' but that he is in a totally other place and still wanting to do things that I did years ago. I started drinking 12 years ago and drank socially with friends really up to the age of about 19/20, but now I feel like I have been there and done it, got the T shirt and want to move on now. I feel like I could start my teaching career in September and have a nice little car and settle down and save for a few years before thinking about the future in 5 years or so...with someone...but we never talk about the future we never have done in 5 years- every time I try to he just laughs. But I am so lonely here by myself, and feel like there's no point in anything, hense why I don't want to go out, and am only proactive and busy during the week when I have loads to do out of home.

So is it that we're in totally different places and that as he started drinking etc later he's not bored of it yet? Or does he not want to grow up? Or maybe it's just that he doesn't want to grow up with me? Or am I depressed or down for never wanting to go out anymore? The other thing is he has a job where you can't work in the winter so he has been in the house since October not earning money or being stimulated, and he has become restless. When I tell him I'm lonely when he leaves, he tells me he is lonely all day. So maybe it's because he's bored he wants to go out quite alot? Sometimes I say I am writing assignments to my 'friends' just so I don't have to go out...but I feel bad for being so lame. Is it because I'm not happy in this current situation and feel I don't have anything in common with those people so therefore it's not that I don't want to go out but that I don't want to go out with those people or to those places? Or is it because I am literally so exhausted that those days/evenings are my only time to relax and catch up on sleep and sometimes work?

The two questions I am asking myself and would love advice and help on are:

-Am I depressed for never going out and for crying all the time when he goes out and feeling lonely, or am I just tired and if so is it OK to not go out much when you get to 25?


-Is there something wrong with our relationship for the fact that he does want this lifestyle still, or is he just in a different place in a different time? And if so, is this OK and can we still live alongside each other, even though it feels we don't get quality time together anymore ever?

Last edited by mod85; 03-08-2013 at 06:32 PM.

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