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Old 02-02-2019, 08:15 AM   #6
yayagirl
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Location: USA
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Re: Double vision (diplopia) on lateral gazes: meds or pulled muscle?

Dear Bloom,

This is how I see it ~
From the way you put it, you or the doctors or all of you are in my opinion confusing apples and oranges so to speak. You know you have the compulsions, and you keep doing things that 'might' not cause 'actual damage' or 'didn't yet cause permanent damage' but does cause pain and mental distress at the very least, because you admit it does cause that, and still you seek reassurance about your eyes and also your compulsions.

My personal experience with fear and compulsion is that we personally do have an internal sense of when we have gone over the top out of our fear and compulsions. We each, alone, make value judgements about what we want in our own lives, and we are each personally responsible to set our own limits. Whether we draw the lines from good judgement is mostly up to each individual, and we learn by getting consequences. This is how life is for each and every person. We get what we choose or else others might at some point use the law to step in and make that choice for us.

Whether someone else takes control of our choices rather depends on how far we go in harming ourselves or others. We need to consider whether we want to retain freedom to choose or to risk having others step in and take control over us.

So, hon, iwhen in a situation like yours, I would ask myself, just how much pain and vision loss do I want to cause myself? Other people can't draw the line of personal responsibility for us unless they imprison us, tie us up, or drug us. So for me, there came a time when I saw this reality and I chose to be free and drug free, which meant I took control of my own self and made better choices so that I did not hurt myself or those to whom I mattered.

I was about age 18, when after a motorcycle accident that was completely the other driver's fault, on my own I began to pay attention and to draw limits of what I allowed myself to do or be involved with. That included what I ate, when I rested, what I did to or for myself, and who I would be involved with. Others around me depended on others to make their choices for them. I personally didn't want that.

So, to me it all boils down to us taking care of our own body parts, hon.
If you think pulling at your eyes is OK, healthy or helpful, then that's your choice. So far no one is stopping you. No one on the internet can stop you that is for sure. Fingers and toes bend certain ways too, but push them too far and they weaken or break. It is the same with your eyeballs.

You know there are limits in this life, and you do still have the right to push the limits. It doesn't matter what you call it. No one has locked you up or put you in a straight jacket, so you can do as you please.

But I think you know you can also take better care of yourself and your body parts. I think you can be kind to your body parts and even leave them alone. And I believe you will when you want to.

Love,
__________________
~ YaYa ~

 
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