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Old 02-08-2019, 08:04 AM   #15
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 9
Bloombox HB User
Re: Double vision (diplopia) on lateral gazes: meds or pulled muscle?

Originally Posted by yayagirl View Post
Dear Bloom,

Hon, of course pulling at the eyes or the skin around them can damage them.

So far a doctor didn't find that you did permanent damage. That's all. You need to stop that behavior before you do permanent damage.. There is no way that anyone reading about it could know more than a doctor that saw you.

Pulling or rubbing an eye or any body part has the potential to cause physical damage. You admit that you self-harm. It is not your eye or your skin that is the problem. The problem is what you tell yourself. We need to learn to tell ourselves the truth. The truth is you have been hurting your own body parts.

Anxiety is very real, but it is an emotion, a feeling. Anxious feelings can cause one to do all sorts of self-damaging behaviors until you get in a habit of self-harm. Really if you cannot stop your habit of harm, you need to get help to stop dealing with anxiety by attacking your own self.

Anxiety is an emotion. Anxiety is never a reason to harm your body. I understand that people do that sometimes. There was a time when I was pretty self-destructive to my own body before i got appropriate help. So I do understand.

There are good therapists and so-so therapists. A good therapist can help you choose to stop punishing your own body over the things that you don't understand. But to find a good therapist you first need to accept that the problem you have is that you choose to hurt yourself. The same way you choose to harm yourself you can choose to take care of yourself. It is entirely our own choice.

No one outside of ourselves can choose for us.
While reading your message again I realized my wording may have been bad regarding what I do with my eyes. I am not touching them with my hands. I haven't (except the occasional rubbings). I just started to look as far as I could on the sides, eventually triggering this diplopia.

When I say "stretching", I mean "stretching my extraocular muscles". Not me pinching my eyes with my fingers. And I've been told that forcing ductions this way doesn't do anything bad. Yet it hurts.

I've stopped looking too far to the sides now, been "off" that for a week. It still hurts when I look sideways, be it the eye itself or the muscles (it usually is the muscles). As for the diplopia, it seems to fluctuate all day long. It is always there mind you, but there are times it is more noticeable. If I squint or something it disappears or gets better.

I'm starting to think that pain hints as muscle pain and thus issue, this causing diplopia on lateral gazes and accomodation problems when switching from far distance to close distance (especially when looking from my phone to something far on either side).

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