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Dreams of memories of my sexual abuse keep happening


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Old 07-01-2015, 10:34 PM   #1
CurlyQ33
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Dreams of memories of my sexual abuse keep happening

I'm now 19 years old. When I was 11or 12 was when my sexual abuse started. My grandpa was my abuser. The first night it happened is very vivid to me, it's scarred into me.

Laying in bed in the spare room staying the night at my grandparents house across the hall from their room. I was on the very edge of sleep when my grandpa laid down next to me. Which was not uncommon. But this time he touched my knee and rubbed gently. And whispered in my ear "are you asleep" and then continued to rub my thighs and between my legs.
The second time it happened he took my hand and put it over his pants with a boner underneath.

The whole thing happened on and off for 2 years. And one night I had been laying there thinking if he came in again I would get up and call my mom when he left. But he never came in again.
He was diagnosed with lung cancer and it spread to his bones and brain. Pretty much everywhere. Well I finally told my mother about it when I was 15 almost 16. He died about a month later. I've caught two of my past boyfriends (who know the story) doing the same thing!

Is it me?!? I don't know what to do but I keep having the memories in dreams and I wake up sobbing. I'm in a good relationship now. But I still keep getting flash backs and I dont know how to make them stop...... Does anyone know how to repress their memory????

 
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