It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Abuse Support Message Board

Nobody but my mom knows...


Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-01-2015, 10:49 PM   #1
CurlyQ33
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 2
CurlyQ33 HB User
Nobody but my mom knows...

When I was young I was sexually abused by my grandfather for years(my dads dad) when I finally told my mom, he was dying of cancer. She told her boyfriend who was a detective( so he had to report it) I've told past boyfriends and a few close friends. But my family does not know. Until tonight my mom was the only one who knew. I have two brothers. A full brother and a half brother. i share my mom with my half brother. I told my full brother tonight about what happened by my grandpa because I finally don't want to hide it. I want it to be out of my mind. I keep dreaming about it and I don't know how to make it go away. I figure starting to tell my family will help.

Did I just ruin my brothers view on my dead grandpa?

 
Reply With Quote
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-18-2015, 07:47 AM   #2
lenvegas
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: las vegas nevada USA
Posts: 1,736
lenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB User
Re: Nobody but my mom knows...

Hi, I would not be concerned on how your brother feels about your dead grandpa, the only important thing is getting it off your chest if that makes you feel better. Your well being is most important and if you feel you can not carry this heavy load you should consider some counseling sessions. Good luck to you....

 
Reply With Quote
Old 09-30-2015, 12:35 PM   #3
AquaFlower
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 1
AquaFlower HB User
Re: Nobody but my mom knows...

Quote:
Originally Posted by CurlyQ33 View Post
When I was young I was sexually abused by my grandfather for years.

I told my full brother tonight about what happened by my grandpa because I finally don't want to hide it. I want it to be out of my mind. I keep dreaming about it and I don't know how to make it go away. I figure starting to tell my family will help.

Did I just ruin my brothers view on my dead grandpa?
Your grandpa ruined any views people may have had of him as being more honorable than he was when he made the choice to violate your trust and youth as he abused you repeatedly. That's his fault --- and it was his responsibility to control himself from starting to abuse you and to end further abuse by choosing to stop. None of that was in any way your fault or responsibility.

Please be proud of yourself for being so empathetic toward your brother and wanting to protect his impressions of his grandfather. It's sad that you're not able to, but it's not your fault that your grandfather prevented that from happening. At this point you dont desire to vindictively hurt anyone or cause any problems in your family by discussing this. All you want is to attempt to achieve some peace of mind, and you have every right to peace. You also have the right to tell the people who love and support you about what you experienced.

It would be wonderful if everyone could have loving grandparents who protected them from harm and certainly never brought harm to them, and I am sure everyone wants to think of grandparents/other family members in the best possible light. However, always remember that it was your grandfather who took that away from your family members, NOT you. Also, if I were in your brother shoes, I would rather know the truth and be there to support you and help you in anyway I can.

In regard to your reoccurring dreams and having these thoughts on your mind, please know that this is very normal. A lot of people have experienced that when dealing with what you've gone through and it does tend to stay with them, coming on more strongly at different periods over their life. It doesn't mean though that you can't talk about it with your loved ones and even consider visiting a counselor sometimes if the memories and pain gets overwhelming. In most areas of the United States, even in somewhat rural locations, there's low cost counseling or group therapy options. If a person can't easily pay for this counseling, it is almost always provided to them for free and the people operating those services want you to use them. You can google "sexual abuse services (your town name/state)" to start looking for them. You can also google for "rape incest abuse help" and find a free nonprofit organization's website for 24/7 online help chat and phone hotlines who have lists of referrals to local services all throughout the world.

Last edited by AquaFlower; 09-30-2015 at 11:13 PM.

 
Reply With Quote
Reply Reply




Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:10 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2017 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!