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  • I don't want my kids to suffer because of me

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    Old 09-02-2017, 09:24 PM   #1
    Join Date: Sep 2017
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    I don't want my kids to suffer because of me

    I've suffered from depression for years, even before my two children.

    I just feel that way when everything seems to be falling apart. I was sexually abused as a child by two men I trusted most, my father and then my stepfather. My mom never believed me as a kid. Only when it came to the courts attention and she lost both my sister and I did she realize she had ignored something so terrible. I went to therapy for years during high school to try to work out my issues of self esteem. They had beaten me down for years telling me I was ugly, stupid, would never survive in the real world; even once my stepfather told me I could have any man I wanted; I would never keep them. That has stuck with me forever, even causing me to doubt every relationship I have. I'm used to abandonment in my life and don't know how to accept anything else. I know that he was trying to control me, that it isn't true but why do I still feel like a failure??

    And now my kids are going to pay the price all over again if I don't get help. There are times I even feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I don't act like myself, I hurt those around me.

    But there's still that voice inside me that says even I'm worth living. I need to live. My kids need me to live. What can I do to get better?? I'm desperate for help. I want to break this cycle and I can't do it alone.

    Last edited by Administrator; 09-02-2017 at 10:26 PM.

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    Old 09-03-2017, 04:53 AM   #2
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    Re: I don't want my kids to suffer because of me

    No, you cant do it alone. Since you have already been through therapy for all of the reasons you listed, why not find a new therapist who can specialize in helping you get stronger to conquer your fears about being a better mom?

    You actually sound quite stable and realistic! Knowing what the problem is, is half the battle and accepting that you need some help in dealing with this is the other half!

    Now, you need to find someone you can talk to about this- who can guide you and help you become stronger.

    I wish you all the best.
    RRMS- dx 05

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