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  • Abused extacy... quit, and trying to find out what's wrong with me

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    Old 10-01-2005, 01:45 PM   #16
    Arememom
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    Location: Birmingham,Alabama
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    Re: Abused extacy... quit, and trying to find out what's wrong with me

    Hey my friend tjob,

    You know what your problem is. It's the same as mine. We're addicts. I was afraid the answer you were going to give me was exactly what it was. Did that make sense? lol

    As addicts we can not do any mind altering substances. It will trigger us to go back to our old drug of choice. You know what you have to do. Even when we fall, it's important to jump right back on the wagon and go forward.

    Statistics show that crack addicts like me will not stay clean. At least not the first time around. And very few make it at all. That scares the hell out of me. Especially since for the last few days all I've thought about is using. I attended an online NA meeting last night at 11:00pm. I didn't even know they were having one. Just went in to chat and there it was. It's exactly what I needed. After the meeting I spent three and a half hours just talking to one particular person who absolutely works the program. He has 10 1/2 yrs clean. My Higher Power knew I needed it.

    Thank God I still don't have my car back yet, no money and living with my recovering addict friends who help yank me back into reality when I have that stinkin thinkin.

    Now that I've talked all about me ( I'm a true addict for sure, because everything is about me. lol) I just want to say stay strong and keep coming back.

    Your friend
    Arememom

    Last edited by Arememom; 10-01-2005 at 01:46 PM.

     
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    Old 10-01-2005, 07:30 PM   #17
    TJOB3
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    Re: Abused extacy... quit, and trying to find out what's wrong with me

    Even when I try to make healthy lifestyle changes I end up buying thousands of dollars worth of anabolic steroids and work out for 4 hours a day, then I come home from the gym drink a 12 pack of beer, and blow coke up my nose all day. Results are never fast enough, the high is never high enough. Even when I try to study huge for exams I would abuse the **** out of ritalin or adderall. I really need to get my **** together. I'm out of control. I'm becoming really hostile. Sometimes I get really tired of participating in life. Half the people i know our suprised that I'm alive much less almost a college grad. I'm so afraid I'm going to reach a dead end sometime soon. I'm starting to live on this board cause its the only time I feel like I have control over myself.

     
    Old 10-01-2005, 07:37 PM   #18
    TJOB3
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    Re: Abused extacy... quit, and trying to find out what's wrong with me

    you can stay clean. You defintately can, because you are clean.

     
    Old 10-01-2005, 10:24 PM   #19
    Arememom
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    Re: Abused extacy... quit, and trying to find out what's wrong with me

    Hey TJ,

    I too live on this board, can ya tell? But for now that is what we must do for our sanity. I'm at a loss for words. Can ya believe that? Me the one who goes on and on.

    But here goes. Honey, you're an addict. You must take the first step. "We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable."

    A "first" of anything is a beginning, and so it is with the steps: The First Step is the beginning of the recovery process. The healing starts here; we can't go any further until we've worked this step.

    You have got to make a choice. Either you want to be clean or you don't. You sound like you are at a cross roads in your life. And it's time to choose which way to go. From what you and Christine have told us, you have so much going for you. You obviously are very bright. Your graduating from college, you are young and strong (anyone who works out at the gym for four hours has to be strong!!! lol) and you have a woman who loves you very much. I'm not sure that this message board can give you all the support you need right now. Please go back to NA. 90 meetings in 90 days. You and I both are going to have to work this program very hard for a long time. Make that commitment to work as hard or harder than you do at the gym or at getting the drugs you use. Recovering MUST be the most important thing in your life right now to succeed. Even if you don't want to go to NA, you can find all their info online or buy the books.

    You have heard me say this before one of three things will happen to an addict: rehabilitation, prison or death. And I want you to choose living. Live a wonderful life with Christine, grow old with her and be happy. I don't know your life plans. But think of the future, children and grandchildren and great grandchildren....(I think in terms of grandchildren because I can't wait to be a grandma lol). The point is look to your future and what you want it to be. I'll be up for many more hours tonight. I'll be looking for your post if you need to vent. I'm off to the NA online chat now. I need my fix from my fellow addicts there. Nite

     
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