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  • Used and Abused Parents of "Grownups"

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    Old 11-23-2005, 06:07 PM   #1
    Sustasha
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    Unhappy Used and Abused Parents of "Grownups"

    My husband built a log home for my daughter when she was 38 so her son then 5, "could get a decent start in life" since my daughter doesn't seem like she knows how.
    Of course, shortly thereafter her boyfriend moved in with them. Why didn't we figure this could occur?? He started drinking heavily. But She was driving Him crazy so after 2 years He moved out. She was devastated, we think because he was paying all the bills (except for rent to us). She just went crazy so I agreed to pay the electric bill.
    But, that wasn't enough. NOW she has let a 55 yr old man move in there who "just happens" to be her tranquilizer supplier. Always has been for years.
    She says she's just "being a good person" We say she wants the pills. Plus, she never even Told us he moved in; we just found out. THEN a NEW boyfriend moved in. This guy doesn't have a clue how to act. He must feel he can't tell her what to do since it's not His home. She says that the "supplier" is going to be a permanent fixture in her homelife.
    And I'm supposed to Still pay the electric bill ??!? For 3 adults?? This is insanity but it's nothing new. She has Always done this stuff to me. So my husband won't invite them over for Thanksgiving since, he says, it puts his "seal of approval" on the living arrangements, which we definitely do Not approve of. But he isn't the type to just Evict someone, especially in the winter. But this friend was kicked out of 3 Medicaid apartments.
    I hope everyone else has a happy Thanksgiving. I just want to see my grandson, 7, but we don't want the baggage that comes along w/that. My daughter simply does not want to work. She Claims she does, says she's Depressed she isn't working, but just lays around.

     
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    Old 11-24-2005, 04:18 AM   #2
    suthrngrace
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    Re: Used and Abused Parents of "Grownups"

    My thoughts are with you this Thanksgiving. She probably is depressed, from the use of the tranquilizers. Have you and your husband ever considered seaking custody/guardianship of your grandson? I can only imagine what the effects of this situation are on him. He is still so young and impressionable.

     
    Old 11-24-2005, 08:46 AM   #3
    hillaryb
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    Re: Used and Abused Parents of "Grownups"

    You might want to visit the addiction and recovery board. There are many parents there sharing similar complaints. I think the issue is more with drug use than parenting at this point, and you would get more relevant feedback. As for your grandson, his safety and wellness may be at risk due to your daughter's poor choices. If I were you I would keep my eyes and ears open, you may need to take action regarding his well-being.

     
    Old 11-24-2005, 03:14 PM   #4
    Dani Girl 78
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    Re: Used and Abused Parents of "Grownups"

    I'm thinking the same thing, that poor boy. His mom having different men in and out of his life (and house) plus the drug use. You and your hubby really need to think about his well being, since it's pretty aparent that she isn't.

    Happy Thanksgiving! and sorry that you are dealing with this.

     
    Old 11-24-2005, 03:19 PM   #5
    Sustasha
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    Re: Used and Abused Parents of "Grownups"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hillaryb
    You might want to visit the addiction and recovery board. There are many parents there sharing similar complaints. I think the issue is more with drug use than parenting at this point, and you would get more relevant feedback. As for your grandson, his safety and wellness may be at risk due to your daughter's poor choices. If I were you I would keep my eyes and ears open, you may need to take action regarding his well-being.
    thanks to both of you; I appreciate it so much. I will continue to keep watch. You can't imagine a happier acting, more intelligent boy and he loves his mommy so much. She just has such changing moods. Seems it would be scary but maybe he's used to it by now. I don't know.
    What I Do know is that her new boyfriend is in recovery, teaches A Course in Miracles and is straight now (fingers crossed). A real nice guy. I just wish they'd get rid of the other man; it is so obvious he's bugging my daughter by getting her computer out of whack, eating most of the dinner she cooked for her boyfriend, dialing the other phone when we're talking, etc. Why on earth she couldn't see that he might become a problem is beyond me. To talk to her you'd think, hmmm....great vocabulary...great insight....crazy ideas...
    So her boyfriend has found her some new friends; faith healer types, elderly.
    They love her BF and want her to be straight so as not to influence him in a negative way. This crazy living arrangement was designed, I suppose, to rid her of her perpetual loneliness. Many people are plagued with feelings of loneliness and can't bear to be alone w/their thoughts. I never dreamed that she'd be even stranger at forty than she was at twenty.
    Don't blame me; our other daughter , 35, is what would often be called "normal." A beautiful, married nurse with quality friends everywhere

     
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