It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Abuse Support Message Board

  • My brother's childhood abuse

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 04-05-2011, 09:34 AM   #1
    Charmbracelet81
    Member
    (female)
     
    Charmbracelet81's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2004
    Posts: 62
    Charmbracelet81 HB User
    My brother's childhood abuse

    Hello. I have an anxiety/panic disorder and I am working on THAT, but need help/advice on abuse. Growing up, my younger brother was phyisically abused by our Father and I wasn't, nor was our other brother. I am now 30 and he is 28. I still have horrible nightmares of my Dad hurting him (it is the REAL scenes of what actually happened) and I wake up crying and sad. I have a lot of guilt to this day, that I never told my Mom the extent of the abuse and knowing my brother went through that and sufferes much worse than I do to this day. How can I accept that that hell is over? How can I release the guilt? I can never approach my Dad about it, so thats out of the question. I just hurt so bad inside because of this and dont know how so fully move on from it. Any insight is greatly appreciated. (Im crying just writing about it)

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 04-05-2011, 04:34 PM   #2
    jennybyc
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Feb 2009
    Posts: 3,892
    jennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB User
    Re: My brother's childhood abuse

    Let me answer you from a different view point. I was horribly abused as a child, including fractures that were never fixed and other forms of abuse. My siblings actually participated in the abuse sometimes. They all hold terrible guilt.

    But I have no anger toward them and have told them all that I love them very much and that they weren't responsible, even when they joined in. Our parents were responsible, not them. They too had been abused and they were simply doing what they had been taught.

    With that said, I bet your brother does not hold you responsible at all so you shouldn't feel guilty. Guilt implies that you somehow had the intent of hurting him yourself or were somehow, responsible. And you were neither.

    Go to your brother and tell him how guilty you feel for even watching his abuse and I bet he'll tell you that you had nothing to do with it. Then forgive yourself and try to find some peace. Get some therapy if you need to.

    And going to your father will not help either as abusers often don't even remember the abuse they doled out and so they deny it. Part of their system of self-protection that makes it so they can do the awful things they do. He is sick too.

    Abuse hurts more than the victim but you can learn and go on. I have found it helps to reach out and help others who were abused to give back in some way. Try volunteering at a children's hospital or facility for abused kids.

    gentle hugs............Jenny

     
    The Following User Says Thank You to jennybyc For This Useful Post:
    Charmbracelet81 (07-12-2012)
    Old 04-05-2011, 05:52 PM   #3
    JJ
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    JJ's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2000
    Location: Ct.
    Posts: 3,693
    JJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB UserJJ HB User
    Re: My brother's childhood abuse

    You have nothing to be guilty about as you didn't hurt him..your dad did. As far as not telling your mom, I suspect she already knew but for some reason dismissed it, maybe out of fear it would get worse?

    All you can do is make sure you make your abused brother feel very loved and let him know you support him and feel bad for what he went through. Hopefully he is a strong young man that will one day let it pass and make a good life for himself. Obviously he will never forget, but knowing he is loved by you and your other brother should help him heal.

    All my very best to all of you...JJ..
    __________________
    When you come to the end of your rope..tie a knot and hang on!
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 04-06-2011, 09:15 AM   #4
    Charmbracelet81
    Member
    (female)
     
    Charmbracelet81's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2004
    Posts: 62
    Charmbracelet81 HB User
    Re: My brother's childhood abuse

    Thank you so much, guys! I'm crying (again!) because I feel hope now. I never thought about talking to my brother about it. I guess I didn't want to open that can of worms for him, and while talking about it will be emotional, I can see both of us getting positive outcomes from it. Thanks, again, I will update what happens.

     
    The following user gives a hug of support to Charmbracelet81:
    dulcina32 (07-18-2011)
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Need help, can anyone relate? childhood sexual abuse/ repressed memories... rocksoutforchee Abuse Support 8 06-16-2011 04:22 PM
    19 and just starting to remember childhood sexual abuse Kim0005 Abuse Support 4 05-19-2011 05:08 PM
    Did my mom abuse me? fallingthin Abuse Support 6 03-14-2011 02:24 PM
    life after domestic abuse andi23 Abuse Support 2 02-10-2011 01:47 PM
    What is Emotional Abuse-is it real? TestyTess Abuse Support 10 01-28-2011 05:54 PM
    Triggers Of Childhood Sexual Abuse AngelJoanne Abuse Support 7 12-31-2010 07:55 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:12 AM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!