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    Old 05-07-2011, 02:04 PM   #1
    SCDadof2's Avatar
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    suspect Munchausen by Proxy

    I have an 8yo girl and a 6yo boy and they live with their mom (my ex). Here is what she says that he is allergic to (to date): birds, McDonald's (yes, the restaurant, according to my son!), cats, dogs, horses, farm animals, food dyes, latex, perfumes, tomatoes, and trees. Here is what he is actually allergic to (according to tests and doctors): Cats and trees (both of which I'm allergic to so that makes sense). And he does seem to have asthma, which I have as well. Also, she claims he has ADHD when there is no sign of that (my daughter, on the other hand, could easily be diagnosed as such!). Yet nothing of note with my daughter. Just my son.

    And he always seems to have these problems soon after returning from my house (yes, I'm a single dad, but my house is very clean - I'm a clean freak!). He has missed over 20 days of school this year as a result of all this.

    I suspect Munchausen by Proxy, though it's not (thankfully) near as severe as what has been detailed here - and I don't ever want it to get that way. What do you think and what should I do? Does anyone have experience with the less severe, but still harmful, behaviors like this?

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    Old 05-10-2011, 09:25 AM   #2
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    Re: suspect Munchausen by Proxy

    You don't think that she is actually making him sick do you? That is what Munchausen is right? This sounds more like hypochondriac by proxy if there is a such thing.

    Old 05-12-2011, 07:16 AM   #3
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    Re: suspect Munchausen by Proxy

    im not a doctor but that is a defect that i have heard of. and the most severe forms of it end in the death of the kids. PLEASE get her some help or call ACS and have them start an investigation into her mental state cause it CAN affect how she cares for the kids. making SURE they get sick in order for HER to have attention. that is the syndrome. please before she starts to get worse. if they get sick AFTER returning home its because HER house isnt CLEAN. if its not nasty there is nothing to do but if it is always filthy in some way ACS will handle her. all you can do is continue to take care of your kids when you have them. i urge you to start making some calls and show ACS that you can care for them and that you fear she has a mental defect cause i never heard of anyone being allergic to a restaurant. ive heard of people being allergic to ingredients in the places FOOD like nuts eggs and wheat. but the actual RESTAURANT?
    noooooo your ex needs to be evaluated by a trained psychiatrist

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    jaybear (05-20-2011)
    Old 05-20-2011, 02:35 AM   #4
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    Re: suspect Munchausen by Proxy

    I don't know to what extent your ex will go as it is more about the seeking of attention than the making of the child sick (I hope.) Even if your son is not being harmed in a physical way the fact she has made him miss 20 days of school is considered educational neglect and as such is investigatable by a CPS agency. Also since it is very clear as to the level of your concern I would initiate a change in custody agreement with the family court and seek custody of your children. The best way to win at this is through documentation. Everytime that she says something is wrong with him write it down and when you go to court or talk to the CPS investigator show her this along with any records (dr saying not allergic to those things, not ADHD, ect.)

    Old 05-26-2011, 02:31 PM   #5
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    Re: suspect Munchausen by Proxy

    Hi. I am the person who's mother had Munchausen by Proxy. From my perspective, this is not it. A kid having more allergies than the doc says he has is pretty normal. I have tons of allergies but don't test positive for all of them and mom never caused them.

    What I would do, depending of the insurance situation(do you pay for the child's health insurance?)is request that the doc he sees, send you a written report of each and every appointment that your children have(both of them) whether it be the allergist or the pediatrician....any doc they see. It can be as simple as a copy of the office notes faxed to you. If you pay the bill, then you have the right to know what went on. That way, you know what is happening with your son's health and will have a written record should you need to go back to court over this. You can share your concerns with the pediatrician.allergist that your wife is lying about your son's allergies.

    It sounds more to me like she is trying to get full custody by saying your home makes the child sick.

    Aside from that, many people don't know the difference between an "intolerance" to a food or substance and an "allergy". And all too many parents blame an "allergy" for poor performance in school and behavior problems. As a severe allergy sufferer, I resent those who use allergies for gain or blame. My allergies are the type that can kill me.

    So I wouldn't think Munchausen by Proxy but I would make sure to get every medical record you can and insist that they send you reports on every visit. And it doesn't hurt to let them know you have suspicions. That alone may stop her.

    Munchausen by Proxy is life threatening and considered incurable by therapists. The parent wants to be considered the "world's best parent" for their attentiveness to a very chronically ill child, getting a lot of empathy and sympathy from medical professionals. But the child is nothing but a pawn in the parent's plan to get attention. But when the child is not needed, they are literally abandoned and ignored, to the point of severe neglect. It's hard for medical staff to detect as they are only around when the child is ill or hurt but those who see the child other times, should be able to see the change in feelings for the child when not sick or hurt. I don't hear that in your post. And I pray for your son's sake, I am right.

    gentle hugs..............Jenny

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