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memories from physical abuse nearly 20 years later won't heal

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Old 12-23-2011, 12:55 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2011
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HD1983 HB User
memories from physical abuse nearly 20 years later won't heal

I want to share a painful problem that I've had for nearly 20 years of my life, it's a horrible memory that simply will not heal itself or go away.

I was 9 years old and acting out in class one day, nothing too severe mind you, just the typical bratty grade school kid stuff, well, one day my teacher and the principal of the school moved my desk to a dark closet and made me sit there for an hour "to think about what I did".

I remember screaming and begging for them to let me out, and noone coming to my aid, I didn't tell anyone in my family about this incident until I was in my 20's, and even then my own family didn't take me seriously.

As a direct result, I believe, of this early trauma I am now an emotionally crippled adult who really doesn't trust anyone, in addition to that I have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, BPD disorder and severe depression, I cannot help but think this early incident led to my problems later in life.

I need help desperately, this all sounds stupid but I feel like this incident damaged me severely.

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deedee12 (01-02-2012)
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Old 12-29-2011, 07:31 PM   #2
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Re: memories from physical abuse nearly 20 years later won't heal

Wow! That must have been terrible for you. I think we are about the same age (29), and this never would have happened in the school district I attended.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I cannot relate, but just want you to know that I feel so very badly for you.

My first thought was can you directly contact the teacher that did this to you? Or the principal? I bet they have since retired, but maybe reaching out to share your feelings would help. Gosh, I don't know - it might be wasted energy that you surely don't owe them!

I bet the other children in your class were scared out of their minds! Do you keep in contact with any of them? Would you feel comfortable rehashing the story to get their insight?

The best bet is probably to seek the help of a psychologist - not because your are "crazy" (you're not!!!) but to just talk. I've done that before, and it helped tremendously. If you don't have the money, many places have sliding scale fees based on your income.

I am so very sorry about your story. I am a third grade teacher, and hearing that just breaks my heart. That teacher and principal should be down right ashamed of their actions.

Old 12-31-2011, 10:39 PM   #3
57 YOU
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Re: memories from physical abuse nearly 20 years later won't heal

I can see how being in the dark and abandoned could make you feel frightened. You didnt mention if the darkness or closed in spaces affect you. If so maybe you can wean yourself off of that fear by being in the dark for very short periods with a flashlight you can turn on and off when you feel the anxiety building. Little by little extend those time periods and concentrate on the fact you are in a secure place and it is just like closing your eyes. Hope this idea helps. I am not a psychiatrist but I do know that the meds they put you on have so many side effects and you can be misdiagnosed easily if they cant figure out what is wrong. They merely state what they think is wrong and medicate you for it. good luck!

Old 01-02-2012, 01:33 AM   #4
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Re: memories from physical abuse nearly 20 years later won't heal

I don't what to say that would make you feel ok, twenty years is a long time and I can certainly understand if you are bitter. It's plain to see that they were not qualified for teachers, so I am just sending a huge cyber hug, and I hope it helps for a moment

Old 01-03-2012, 02:24 PM   #5
Phil J
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Re: memories from physical abuse nearly 20 years later won't heal

That's bad, I know.

The only thing I can really say is that who you are today was made by who you were yesterday. And if that be the case, you can change who you are tomorrow.

I guess when we are children, we take things into our minds, and supress them so much that when we are older, they come out stronger, and more crippling then prior events would have been.

You are a strong individual, and the fact that you come here to express how you feel, and how this may have affected you currently, takes a lot of courage, it might just be words on a screen, but to you, those words have meaning. Even though they are dark feelings, emotions etc.

As before, what happens in the past makes who we are in the present. So it is possible that this event in time, may have scared you so much, that it could have affected you in a way, and acted as a long lit fuse, that eventually exploded into a huge fear, that affected you daily, that eventually developed into BPD. It's not uncommon, though it is sad.

However, whatever course of action you wish to take, just know that I, and everyone else here will be with you in mind, every step of the way. And if you should ever wish to speak, we are here.

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