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is it possible i was sexually abused as a child

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Old 06-13-2012, 03:11 PM   #1
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rachie22 HB User
is it possible i was sexually abused as a child

Hi, I think I was sexually abused by my grandfather as a very young child. Iv felt like this for a long time and it would explain an awful lot. I suffer from mild psychosis and have unsucessfully tried to attempt suicide three times. I met a man at eighteen who was twenty seven years older than me and he sexually and verbally abused me. Even though I could have left him on many occasions I still stayed with him as im ashamed to admit I enjoyed the sexual abuse because I felt like sex was all I was good for. I also have dreams about my grandfather abusing me and have always felt very uncomfortable and sick when im around him. I remember him saying inappropate things to me when i was nine and think that he was going to try and abuse me again but he knew he couldn't get away with it now I was older.

I have memory blocks in my childhood and dont remember anything from the age of six and below. I started hearing voices in my head when I was nearly seven and thats when I started to act out sexual things with my friends and younger brother, me always playing the dominant one. I have body image issues and even though I want to lose weight Im scared it will make me more vunerable. Iv been under the mental health team since I was eighteen and have never spoken to them about this. The only person that knows is my ex boyfriend and I think he used to get off on it when I told him. I have severe low self esteem and hate myself. I feel that all im good for is sex and thats all I ever get used for, sex, then they dump me. I used to cut myself as well and at the moment I can't stop thinking I was abused. I drink every night to cope. The dreams stopped for a while but I met a man and since I started having sex again they have come back. This man dumped me and now I feel I was used for sex again and its a pattern that always happens and im powerless to stop it. I just want to remember something other than dreams so I have proof. I just want your opinion, does it sound like I was abused? Thanks for listening.

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Old 06-17-2012, 08:32 AM   #2
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Re: is it possible i was sexually abused as a child

Hello rachie22,

I feel you should bring the mental health team into this,for your own good.
It appears that sex tends to bring up bad feelings instead of being a pleasurable experience.
How far this goes back is locked away somewhere in your psyche and I believe that the MHT(mental health team) may be just the one's to help guide you through this enigmatic situation.

When in doubt, post it out.

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