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Alcoholic husband hit me after 11 years


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Old 09-10-2012, 09:09 AM   #1
lrmm
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Alcoholic husband hit me after 11 years

My husband and I have been married for 11 years. He is an alcoholic. We are trying to quit smoking and after 5 days without a cigarette we were both feeling jittery. It was Friday night and we were both having a drink (he actually had been drinking since 1:00) and I was fixing chicken breasts and veggies for dinner. We were talking about how the not smoking was going and I confessed I had smoked one cigarette earlier in the week. Well he started calling be a c**t I told him to stop and he kept doing it and told me he didn't want the nasty chicken i was fixing. I threw my drink on him (dumb), fixed my plate and was going to eat when he grabbed my plate and threw it across the kitchen. I didn't say a word, just got up, fixed myself another plate and took it to the living room to eat. He came to the living room, grabbed my plate, dumped it on me and hit me in the head 3 times, the shoulder and stomach with the plate. I got him off of me by kicking him and ran out of the house. I stayed in a hotel that night. The next morning he didn't know where I was and didn't remember any of it. I am back home but confused as to what to do next. My former husband was verbally and physically abusive. I have always felt safe with this husband but not now. Help!

 
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Old 09-11-2012, 11:10 AM   #2
MandiKat
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Re: Alcoholic husband hit me after 11 years

First things first.. the only acceptable excuse for hitting, is in self-defense!! Clearly, your husband has issues he needs to work on. I'm not going to lecture you on leaving him or staying with him. That's 100% your call. BUT.. he needs help! He needs help with his drinking; he needs help with his anger. I'm going to assume you've spoken to him in the past about his drinking, as you have clearly identified him as an alcoholic. If not, you need to. And the best and safest way of doing that is with the help and support of close family and friends. Do NOT speak to him about this alone. He's facing his addiction to smoking.. this is TOUGH!! But you know this, because you're doing it too. Personally, I believe he needs to face is alcoholism first. If he was so drunk that he didn't remember the events that took place the night before, this is SERIOUS! I admit, I'm not a big drinker, but I've never, not remembered the night before due to drinking. As for you, you've been in a previous relationship that involved abuse. You know how bad this can get. You're not safe as long as he's drinking. I too have been in an abusive relationship; these can be extremely hard to remove yourself from. I understand this is the first time you have feared your current husband, but there is no guarantee this won't happen again, or something worse!! He went from no abuse, to both physical and verbally abusing you in one night. Something needs to happen.. it's now up to you to make it happen. Personally, I would leave, at least temporarily until he's actively receiving help for his alcohol addiction. Your safety is the # 1 concern for me, as I'm sure it is for you too. Please get help... for both of you! Your responses to him were not constructive. I'm sure they helped keep his fire of anger going. I would suggest IF you decide to stay with him, you both receive counseling together! AFTER he gets through his alcohol addiction.

 
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Old 09-12-2012, 03:02 AM   #3
Teddy138
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Re: Alcoholic husband hit me after 11 years

My initial response is find an AlAnon support group and become a faithful attendee. My weekly meetings are a must in my life for dealing with my addict/alcoholic; that's how i am becoming well...so first, i suggest alanon for your well being. I have coupled that with a Christian counselor and have joy-filled days! Does your husband want to stop drinking? Remember that violence is NEVER acceptable! To stop smoking, my addict/alcoholic went to the e cigs that produce a vapor when inhaled, but no carcinogens! No more desire to smoke real cigarettes after a pack of Marlboro daily. Nothing changes if nothing changes...be concerned with your wellness and let him take responsibility for his. Alcoholism is a disease that affects the entire family...so everyone should be allowed a path for recovery. Wishing you courage!!

 
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:48 AM   #4
elizabeth62
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Re: Alcoholic husband hit me after 11 years

If my husband ever hit me, I would demand that he move out, at least temporarily, until he got some therapy and I could be assured it would NEVER happen again. AND he'd have to show TUNS of remorse and a dramatic change in behavior, such as never drinking near me, ever again. And no more name calling, either. Ever. That is just stupid and immature.

I'm suspicious of so many people not remembering all of the jerky things that they do. How convenient.

 
Old 09-16-2012, 07:08 PM   #5
Tropic
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Re: Alcoholic husband hit me after 11 years

Never ever argue with someone who has been drinking all day. They won't remember anything you are arguing about. Yes, I agree. He needs help with his drinking, but that's only going to happen if he WANTS to receive the help. I'm not sure you are safe with him anymore. I agree with another poster, you need help. Check out the Alanon meetings. You may have to do this again, so I would plan for your future. And if that means moving out, then do so. He may not change. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with an alcoholic?

 
Old 09-22-2012, 02:40 PM   #6
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Re: Alcoholic husband hit me after 11 years

I'm with elizabeth62. "I don't remember" is too convenient, and if they don't remember, that's too unsafe for you. You deserve to be safe in your own home, no matter how drunk the spouse is. AND, you DESERVE to work your own tobacco addiction WITHOUT fear of reprisal from ANYone! Let's just see what happens if we put you in charge of his drinking like he "took charge" of your smoking. Sorry, but it had to be said.

Quitting smoking is hard enough without someone trying to drive you back into it, so you can be the "fault" of their failure.

 
Old 09-26-2012, 09:30 AM   #7
lrmm
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Re: Alcoholic husband hit me after 11 years

Thanks everyone for your advice. I am still at home, he has started therapy for alcohol and anger issues. He is still drinking but has not had more than 2 drinks in a day. I am, in the mean time, looking at options in case there is a backslide and I need to get out (I have a few safe places to go now). He understands that if he ever does anything remotely close to what he did to me, HE Will Leave. Why should I lose my home of 18 years because he refuses to respect me, our relationship and himself?

 
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