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  • Could the past be starting to effect my life?

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    Old 02-06-2013, 08:58 AM   #1
    Ingy
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    Could the past be starting to effect my life?

    I am 31 with 7 wonderful children I have been married 7 years and together 11 years.. But I am not happy i fact I go from a conversation with my husband and fly off the handle and I am so angry.. It's got worse over the last few months where I just don't have any patience. I live miles away from family and very rarely see my friends.. I feel isolated which don't help, but my dad came to stay with me for a week and I really enjoyed spend sometime with him but when he left I was heartbroken. I spoke to my step mum and she told me my dad was worried that I don't look happy. So I was then worried if my dad who I don't see for a year can see it how obvious is it? I am not sure what's triggered it off but I find my self upset, tired, lonely, empty and angry a lot at the moment. Now my mum is getting married to a man who molested me and my sister from 11 to 16 and she never listened to us although I think deep down she knows the truth he means more than we do... The hard thing for me is I try so hard to play happy families for the sake of my brothers (his children) and my mother although I wish I didn't care what she thought about me I do I m even a bridesmaid long with my sister because we wouldn't dare not to be! Now for years I have managed to keep it away but I am not sure if this is what's festering and making me feel the way I do or weather something else is? It's easy for ppl on the out side looking in to think well I would of this and that but it's so difficult because this is my family..

     
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    Old 03-31-2013, 03:17 AM   #2
    Phoenix
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    Re: Could the past be starting to effect my life?

    Hello Ingy and welcome.

    Has your anger begun to manifest itself once you offered to become a bridesmaid?

    This is a complex situation and only you can answer this question:"had you resolved the abuse in your mind previously or just suppressed it?"

    Carrying this for as long as you have,if left unresolved,has the potential to result in outbursts,etc.

    It also makes me wonder how your sister is dealing with this.

    While it is admirable to want to be there for your mother,the conflict lies with both her(for choosing him to marry) and her fiancee(abuser).

    I don't know if participating in the ceremony would be in the best interests of either you or your sister.

    Would either of you be opposed to seeing a therapist before doing something that may further effect your quality of living,while inadvertently effecting your husband and children?

    Please consider the offer;I implore you.

    Respectful intent
    Phoenix
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    Old 08-06-2014, 08:49 AM   #3
    hskyownr6
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    Re: Could the past be starting to effect my life?

    I know exactly what you are going through. My step grandfather was abusive (sexually) to me when I was a little girl, and as bad as it sounds I was exstatic when he passed away when I was 9. What he would do is he would have us girls sit on his lap while he was driving and let us steer his truck when we were driving around town, and then he would inappropriately touch us with his fingers. I have issues where at the beginning of my marriage we have sex all the time, but it usually only lasts for about 3 or 4 months, and then I just stop wanting sex. I've been married a couple of times, and as much as I would love to have children I can't seem to get past the whole not wanting to have sex thing. I think this is caused from repressed emotions of what my step father did to me as a small child. I've tried to go to counseling but it doesn't seem to help and so I stop going.

    I think I will have to agree with Phoenix, you and your sister both really should go and talk to a counselor, or maybe even a pastor.

    I know that if my Mom where to marry the man who molested me as a child I would sever all ties with her. It sounds harsh, but she seems to be ignoring your claims of abuse, and will continue to do so until she gets a reality check. Unfortunately you have to burn several bridges to be heard sometimes.

     
    Old 08-06-2014, 08:51 AM   #4
    hskyownr6
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    Re: Could the past be starting to effect my life?

    I know exactly what you are going through. My step grandfather was abusive (sexually) to me when I was a little girl, and as bad as it sounds I was exstatic when he passed away when I was 9. What he would do is he would have us girls sit on his lap while he was driving and let us steer his truck when we were driving around town, and then he would inappropriately touch us with his fingers. I have issues where at the beginning of my marriage we have sex all the time, but it usually only lasts for about 3 or 4 months, and then I just stop wanting sex. I've been married a couple of times, and as much as I would love to have children I can't seem to get past the whole not wanting to have sex thing. I think this is caused from repressed emotions of what my step father did to me as a small child. I've tried to go to counseling but it doesn't seem to help and so I stop going.

    I think I will have to agree with Phoenix, you and your sister both really should go and talk to a counselor, or maybe even a pastor.

    I know that if my Mom where to marry the man who molested me as a child I would sever all ties with her. It sounds harsh, but she seems to be ignoring your claims of abuse, and will continue to do so until she gets a reality check. Unfortunately you have to burn several bridges to be heard sometimes.

     
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