It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Abuse Support Message Board

  • 30 years of Marriage and Verbal Abuse

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 04-28-2013, 10:08 AM   #1
    inva
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Apr 2013
    Location: Virginia, US
    Posts: 2
    inva HB User
    Unhappy 30 years of Marriage and Verbal Abuse

    Hi all,
    First, I feel a little guilty posting about this like maybe I'm just a whiner, because he's never physically hurt me, and the verbal abuse is not THAT bad and I know a lot of you have much more serious problems, but.... after 30 years of marriage to a man with anger issues I'm ready to leave. Yet for some reason, I can't bring myself to do it. Why? Because he's always sorry and apologizes! I know abusers do that, but he seems so sincere. I can't figure out if his behavior justifies me leaving him and tearing up the family. I'm 50 and he's 52 and our daughter is 10. It's like that song by REO Speedwagon "I make you laugh, you make me cry, I believe it's time for me to fly".... We have a lot of yelling and criticism going on around here, usually initiated by him (in the words of my daughter "things were fun until daddy got home") I'm easy going and he's very harsh, he's prior military and has a lot of control issues. He's super critical of things and has developed some OCD and germaphobe stuff lately, and yes we are in marriage counseling and I'm in individual counseling. I have a great job and can afford to move out tomorrow! I have no real roadblocks to leaving except that he says he loves me SO much and wants this to work. So... I don't leave. I don't want to hurt him for what most would consider "mild verbal abuse", like telling me my ideas are stupid, not understanding me, road rage and being rude to others, making my daughter cry by being too harsh on her - but no physical stuff. I think he gaslights too. Has anybody been so miserable yet doesn't take the next step? I'm just hoping somebody can relate so I won't feel so alone. Thanks for listening.

     
    The following user gives a hug of support to inva:
    Phoenix (05-03-2013)
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 04-30-2013, 12:08 PM   #2
    lenvegas
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2012
    Location: las vegas nevada USA
    Posts: 1,735
    lenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB User
    Re: 30 years of Marriage and Verbal Abuse

    Hi, I am sorry for your situation as I know how it feels because I left a verbally abusive wife years ago. There is no such thing as mild verbal abuse, it's like being mildly pregnant. Verbal abuse is cumulative in nature as the perpetrator is out to destroy the psyche of the victim through manipulation, control and guilt so he feels more in control of you.If you leave he will beg, cry, make false promises and try to use every trick in the book to make you stay......Will you be ready to handle this without folding? I know it will be difficult so you have to remain a rock with your decision and the consequences as related to his reaction.Is your daughter ok with the new arrangement?.....I have a feeling she would be happier living with just you, There is no excuse making a ten year old cry with verbal abuse,by a parent and all the apologies in the world do not even come close to justifying that. \As you can by now tell I am in favor of you moving out as I think you and your daughter can live a happy life together without this unpredictable abusive man All the best to you and your daughter.......

     
    Old 05-04-2013, 09:03 PM   #3
    marie72
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Mar 2007
    Location: USA
    Posts: 176
    marie72 HB User
    Re: 30 years of Marriage and Verbal Abuse

    Verbal abuse can be very hard to deal with. It is insidious and will chip away at your self esteem. It can also affect your daughter and how she views herself. The fact that you daughter feels that way about her daddy is not a good thing. Is he aware that she feels that way? Was he always this way or is he becoming worse with his control and anger? Does he have mood swings or is he consistently bullying?

     
    Old 05-06-2013, 11:26 PM   #4
    marie72
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Mar 2007
    Location: USA
    Posts: 176
    marie72 HB User
    Re: 30 years of Marriage and Verbal Abuse

    Sorry you are going through this. I tried posting on this 3 separate times since last week but none of my posts are here. So all I can say is whichever choice you make please be aware that you daughter will be alone with him during visitations. So if you do not feel comfortable with that you may need to make sure your daughter is protected.

     
    Closed Thread

    Tags
    abuse, abused, marriage issues, verbal



    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:16 PM.





    2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!