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CharmlessHatter 07-12-2013 02:20 AM

Emotional, Physical, Mental, and... Medical Abuse? Also neglect. (Full story inside)

My mother and I have never had a pleasant relationship. She has been a very hands-off parent for most of my childhood, and because of that, I pretty much developed into a rational, introverted person. (For anyone who's interested, I'm a very strong INTP.) I don't mind this at all. It serves me quite well in my day-to-day life, and it makes me happy. Basically, until recently I found her quite distant, but I knew she loved me and was happy with the situation.

Unfortunately, she married a man who thought differently while I was still a teenager. They... Well, I'll just categorize what they did.


Before the marriage, my mother got extremely ill and, with no family that she could rely on, I was placed in foster care. There were precipitating events that left her emotionally unable to keep herself healthy, and these events were also present during the foster-care episode; instead of being there for a few months, which is to be expected during a single-parent illness, I was there for almost 5 years. During that time, I was raped (by a boyfriend) and molested (by a foster father) - and if you look at the statistics, most teenage girls in foster care are molested, so this really shouldn't have been surprising to anyone. Because of that, I came out of it pretty messed up. (I'll write about it later.)

She believes I'm lying about both instances. I'm not. I think the nightmares I have about those nights prove I'm not.


He calls me names. (This is current stuff.) He treats my mother and I with contempt over things that don't matter to either of us like chores or the air conditioning. He uses terms to describe me which are not accurate and never will be (like 'stupid' and 'crazy'). He threatens me almost on a daily basis and makes unreasonable demands of my mother and I. He took away things that were necessary for my sanity (like my writing, my privacy and my sense of safety) over things that didn't matter or didn't conclusively happen.

My mother said nothing to him, and in fact supported this blatant invasion of privacy because she thought he was trying to be a father to me. (Not that I ever asked for a father, mind, but whatever! Go ahead, be a totally unsuitable father figure to a teenage RAPE VICTIM who never wanted you in her life, by all means.)


Oh, Lord, the physical abuse. He started when I was fifteen because he was attempting to, in his own words, "Straighten me out." He thought he caught me huffing, he caught me masturbating (when I was fifteen - yeah), and I came out to him as bisexual thinking I could because he was, in my mind, a rational human being. (Big mistake.) Since then he has slapped me in the face, slammed me into various pieces of furniture, thrown things at me, punched me, kicked me in the stomach, wrapped his hands around my throat, and put me in a choke-hold at various times in our experience. Sometimes he did this over things I didn't even do (like over me supposedly doing drugs or another woman outright lying about things I said to her - long story with that, utterly screwed-up, but... eh).

My mother says nothing about this except to excuse it to the people I report it to, like psychiatrists and therapists that I only go to as often as I do because of the PTSD he induced and the bipolar disorder he worsened.


I suffer from Bipolar Disorder II, and was diagnosed with it when I was six years old; being that bipolar disorder has such a horrible stigma attached to it, my mother has refused to believe it. Since then I have been diagnosed with BPD six times by six different psychiatrists immediately after consultation. (Of course there were other disorders thrown around, but almost everyone save one doctor who was not even trained in psychiatric disorders believed I was bipolar by the end of it.) She has refused me medication. She has intruded into my doctor's appointments. She has slandered me to my psychiatrists. Gary isn't involved in this, but my mother was contacted during the emergency hospitalization which she caused.

At the moment it is 5 o'clock in the morning, and I have been pacing around my apartment nonstop since 2. (I've been writing this since 4:30 at this point, but I have to take breaks and pace.) I haven't gone through a true manic phase in a long time, but it's clear from my symptoms that my BPD is worsening. I need help, and I have to basically counteract her myriad diagnoses along with dealing with my issues, making GETTING help even harder.

So yes, I'll be posting quite a bit in the next few months... agh. I'll be leaving the house in less than a month to move into my new apartment, but I really need to get this off my chest. I'm just... wow. I don't even know. I just don't even know.

lenvegas 07-12-2013 01:52 PM

Re: Emotional, Physical, Mental, and... Medical Abuse? Also neglect. (Full story insi
Hi Charm, you are wise beyond your years which also serves you well. I hope when you move to your new place you can begin a new happy chapter in your life. Yes you are a victim and what has happened to to is tragic but in your life gain strength from this and move your life forward and never play the victim role as an excuse to not not better your life. When you go out with men, please leave at the first sign of abuse as you never want to experience episodes as you had in your past. All the best.....

CharmlessHatter 07-14-2013 12:03 AM

Re: Emotional, Physical, Mental, and... Medical Abuse? Also neglect. (Full story insi
Yeah, see, I know what you're saying, and I've gotten into abusive relationships. (Oh the things I get into because I'm codependent.) All of this stuff, by the way, is basically happening at the same time, so... yeah, you can imagine how crazy my life is going right now.

CharmlessHatter 07-14-2013 12:12 AM

Re: Emotional, Physical, Mental, and... Medical Abuse? Also neglect. (Full story insi
Thank you! This was incredibly cathartic. I never saw myself as a victim - more like a survivor? Someone who has experienced violence? Eh... *shrugs* These things happen.

But I have ended up in abusive situation(s) before. (Parenthesis because one of them was absolutely willful while the other one was completely not - therefore I have no idea whether the one that I didn't walk into knowingly actually counts as an abusive situation I got myself into.) I'll probably write about one soon (as it's currently happening right now, though separate from Gary) and the other one much, much later.

Budgiegirl 07-14-2013 06:47 AM

Re: Emotional, Physical, Mental, and... Medical Abuse? Also neglect. (Full story insi
You don't mention your age or if you are still living with these two excuses?? Please get as far away from these two 'people' because they aren't even pretending to be parents. You will need to get counselling to deal with your formative years -- you do not want to spend years in doomed relationships as your soul tries to sort through your grief and anger. It sounds like you have profound insight into how deep the wounds are, so you should recognize the need to protect yourself from your mother and stepfather and people like them. You will succeed and triumph over these losers, but until you master some preservation techniques, you will need to put some distance -- emotional, psychological and physical distances -- between you and them. God bless and good luck. :-)

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