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    Old 10-26-2013, 09:48 AM   #1
    isitjustme
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    Unhappy It's all coming back

    I was in an abusive relationship with my ex husband for years. I was with him for 17 years of my life. He kept me from seeing my family and literally emotionally, mentally abused me. At some times I really think he physically abused me in ways that I am blocking out.

    Well I have been away from him exactly two years now. I am going back to college to do something with myself.

    Well, I am writing a paper for my comp class and I decided to write it on abusive relationships and being a middle aged woman never having a life because of it. It is really hard on me to write this thing because I keep reliving everything that has happened to me. I have already told my instructor what I was writing it on so I can't change it.

    <When I do research every time I go on these pages, it is like reading my life all over again and it is bringing up all of my past.

    I just wish there was an easier way to do this, without getting so emotional and just get this thing done.

    Not only do I need emotional and mental support. I really need someone to talk to that knows what they are talking about.

    I am starting to have nightmares about my past now and I don't want to bring it up to my boyfriend, he is such a great person and I don't want him to have my burdens.

    Thanks all for your support

    Last edited by Administrator; 12-09-2013 at 06:53 PM.

     
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    Old 12-05-2013, 05:36 AM   #2
    Sumeragi
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    Re: It's all coming back

    Hello,

    I'm sorry to hear about what you experienced. I think it's really great that you were strong enough to leave such an abusive relationship and get back to college and I hope it's all going well with you now.

    About your topic, it's natural for you to feel this way since this is something that you experienced for a long time and if you can't change your topic, may I suggest that you do it in the form of a case study?

    Instead of recording stats and emphasizing on signs, symptoms and solutions of such relationships, which you generally get online, read the case studies of abusive relationships instead or police reports, to get your information from that.

    That way, you won't have to relate it to yourself the way you do when you see generalized information. You can draw inferences from this paper from the cases of Mr. X or Ms. Y and not yourself. It gives you a new and more objective perspective.

    This also adds benefit to your research as your sources of information are now primary instead of secondary.

    Nightmares are a way of dealing with bad memories and rather than pushing away the traumatic memories and repressing them, which causes a lot of stress, I think you should share it with your boyfriend. He sounds like a great person and you clearly don't want to burden him, but a relationship involves sharing of things both good and bad. It would help you relieve your tension and help him understand your situation better.

    If you want to talk, I'm always ready to listen and so are many other sensitive people on this site as it's confidential, anonymous and professionally managed.. I know what I'm talking about because I underwent child abuse and find myself in the position of needing to write a child abuse project for Sociology in school.

    All the best and good luck with your project. I hope this helped a little.

    Last edited by Administrator; 12-09-2013 at 06:53 PM.

     
    Old 12-06-2013, 09:20 AM   #3
    GKA98765
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    Re: It's all coming back

    Why not take your Instructor on the side and explain the situation. I am sure he/she will understand and you will be able to change the subject of your paper.

     
    Old 12-06-2013, 03:29 PM   #4
    boston02050
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    Re: It's all coming back

    Hi, I was physically beat almost to death twice by my now exboyfriend, but for 4 years he was physically abusive and mentally abusive towards me. I understand the anguish of having to re-live it by writing your paper. I also wrote a college paper on abusive relationships and really the majority of the paper was about me. It hurt to think about it all over again and Its been over 4years since I finally left him but I still have nightmares, I still cry, its okay, we r only human. I found that writing that paper and explaining to people wat I went thru did help some, but unless that person has been thru something like that they just dont understand. I dont know about you but people always say to me..why didnt u just leave him the first time he hit u?...and I try to explain that its not that simple, bcuz you want to believe him when he says sorry and i love u, and I wont do it again...then the second time it happens, u tell urself maybe he can change if I help or maybe I did something wrong, then the third time the threats start..if u call the cops, Ill kill u, or Ill kill ur family....it was a living nightmare for me. Only time can really heal ur wounds, it took me a year to be able to look at people when talking to them, I was on edge when I was around guys, i was a walking wreck. I never saw or talked to a counselor even tho it may have helped. I wish I had sometimes, so if u have the chance to talk to one I would say go. It will help knowing u can get it off ur chest and not feel like ur being judged. I hope this help u a little bit. Im a survivor

     
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