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meggygoround 04-15-2014 09:58 AM

New here
My ex alcoholic boyfriend was physically abusive. We were dating for almost 7 years, living together for 4. He would go to work at restaurants drunk. Got fired a few times. Then about three years ago started abusing me. Pulling my hair, holding me down screaming in my face, poured alcohol on me, punched me (never in the face except when I broke up with him and had him arrested), bashed my head in with a coffee mug until I was bleeding, pushed me, tried to choke me, broke things, put holes in walls. He says he blacked out.

But when he wasn't drinking (or at least not to a bad point) he was very sweet and caring. It was as if nothing was wrong. I stayed so long because I thought he would change. I wanted to be there for him, wanted to take his pain away. I didn't understand alcoholism at all, let alone the violence and rage. We were best friends.

Now, a few months later, he went to rehab and is almost done at the sober house. He's doing really well and I'm proud of him. He just got a job. I'm out on my own and trying to take care of myself. But we still are friends and I'm sooo confused. I don't know how to feel. I will never even consider getting back together with him but I don't know how to let go. I don't know how to accept the good side of him and the monster in him are the same. I know he hasn't accepted responsibility for the abuse, he blames it on the disease. I know he doesn't want to be the way he is but he hasn't really dealt with the violent side of him.

He was my first boyfriend, first person I slept with, I even had an abortion (thank God I did before I found out all of this). My best friend. We had good times together. He knows everything about me. I spent so many years listening to his pain, wiping tears away.

How do I let that go so I can fully have my freedom? So I can fully take care of me?

lenvegas 04-20-2014 01:14 PM

Re: New here
Hi Meg, if you embellish this relationship and focus on the 20% that was good then you will never get over this. This should be an exciting time in your life, filled with possibilities and good things to come. Do not let his memory destroy your future because it was bad, as bad as it could be and never forget that. Somewhere out there is a strong loving man who will take care of you for a change and give you beautiful children you can be proud of. So, hang in there, the road goes forward from here. All the best..

susan923 11-12-2014 02:23 PM

Re: New here
Hi there,

First off I understand your attachment since he was your first and your first love. But that doesn't change the fact that he has hurt you physically as well as emotionally. The good times do not out weigh the pain and confusion he has put you thru. I would suggest talking to an abuse counselor.

oxygirl 12-31-2014 02:51 AM

Re: New here
i have been there done that. over and over with different boyfriends/husbands. it is also something you should seek counseling for just incase it is a repeat behavior finding guys with traits of the ones you leave. I will just say one thing and i am not trying to be cruel......RUN for your life or any life u ever hope to have. i don't know how old you are but I am never changes and the few that a needle in haystack

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