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  • Physically & Emotionally Hurt by Husband Due to In laws

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    Old 11-30-2014, 11:34 AM   #1
    UnhappyMe's Avatar
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    Physically & Emotionally Hurt by Husband Due to In laws

    Iíve been cheated on by my husband when i was pregnant with our first. he took care of the other girl (also pregnant but not sure if he's the father because the girl has another bf) while he sent me to the US so his parents can take care of me. Now they are all saying that I owe his parents big time for taking care of me and shouldering all the expenses while I was under their care and pregnant. They did that because my husband cannot support me. He took his own time being with the other woman and just showed up when I delivered the baby. What he did cannot be compensated by what his parents did to me. Now all our arguments boil down to what his parents have done for me. All the time! And he kept telling me to stop bringing up the infidelity issue because itís part of the past and that Iíve forgiven him already. But why highlight to me all the time that I owe them so much if it's part of the past?

    Easy for him to say but once youíve been hurt and cheated on, trust never comes back and all you feel is anger deep inside. Just last night we had a heated argument and for the very 1st time he shouted at my face (1 inch far, the loudest Iíve ever heard) several times and he held my shoulder so tight & shook me. I got hurt so I screamed at him to stop touching me. I admit, I raise my voice at him every time we argue and I did that maybe out of anger. But I never purposely shout directly at his face, like what he did last night.

    It's obvious, his priority is his parents happiness and not mine. He's a very dependent child to his parents. Every time his parents talk to him about how they feel about me, he vents his anger on me, thatís why we argue most of the time and itís always caused by my in laws. They'll do anything to get what they want even if it will harm/destroy our marriage. I guess I no longer have respect for him/them. How can you treat someone with respect if he doesnít respect you at all.

    Emotionally & physically hurts you and allows his parents to verbally abuse you. Who will then protect me and make me feel secure? I need a good role model for my kids and all I want is to be secure (emotionally, physically & financially). Arguments are normal between couples, but getting physical is a different story. Last night was a first. Someone just told me, if a guy physically hurts you once, then there's always a next time. Please, anyone, enlighten me if I'm the one at fault here.

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    Old 12-13-2014, 11:17 AM   #2
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    Re: Physically & Emotionally Hurt by Husband Due to In laws

    He isn't abusing you just because his parents allow it. He is abusing you because he is an abuser. I recommend reading the book, "Why Does He Do That?" He has disrespected you on so many levels- cheating, yelling at you, not being supportive around his family. It does not get better. You are right to think that you need a better environment in which to raise your children.

    Old 12-31-2014, 02:01 AM   #3
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    Re: Physically & Emotionally Hurt by Husband Due to In laws

    if you have any other support system to rely on get away from him. i have never had someone hit just once and never repeat it. i unfortunately am plagued with issues. I had a man who i thought loved me and my kids and was so good to us. we had our ups and downs but 4 years into the hair pulling (just at me cause my kids are grown) and the choking and the usual things that batterers do. i am sad. i don't want you to be my age and just sad. i have no emotions really anymore just sadness. not a good thing.

    Old 01-05-2015, 03:27 PM   #4
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    Re: Physically & Emotionally Hurt by Husband Due to In laws

    They say people treat us the way we let them do that.
    If you feel your man is disrespecting you in so many ways - you have to make important life decisions which benefit you and kids. This is very unhealthy and emotionally abusive to bring them up in such environment.

    But if you and your husband want to save your marriage, both of you must set boundaries and make a decision to start all new and NEVER go back to past.
    Not easy but it must be done if you want to stay together. And it doesnt matter what his parents say or do; after all, you don't have to live with them.
    By forgiving them whatever they did, you will make peace with them and your husband, in case you want to save marriage.

    Be a big person no matter what you decide. I will never defend a man who raise his hand, but if you know he has short fuse avoid critical situations which can be dangerous for you and very damaging for your kids well being.

    Good luck

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