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I'm wondering if my father sexualy abused me.


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Old 01-24-2015, 08:44 PM   #1
withthepixies
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Question I'm wondering if my father sexualy abused me.

I have always had a difficult relationship with my father, he used to hit my mother & I a lot when I was growing up & he would always say the most horrible things to me & her. So I know that he has always been physically & emotionally abusive, but now I'm starting to wonder if it has been sexual to.

As a kid I didn't see anything wrong with what he did, but now that I look back, I am starting to question if everything was fine.

He used to make me shower with him. I'd shave his neck & he would wash my body & hair. That happened up until I was 13.

He was also always pressuring my mum into getting night time shifts at her waitressing job so that she wouldn't be home & then he would pin me down to my bed, his knees holding my thighs open & his hands holding mine above my head & then he would lick my face. Up my cheeks, my nose & my forehead. I remember crying & telling him to stop, but he never would. He would say that "It is so easy to rape a woman. I will hold you hear until you can get out of this hold." but I never could. That happened up until I was 12.

He used to make me watch documentaries on rape victims, on Oprah or Doctor Phil & then he would make me watch shows that would show the positive side of sex, like watching an episode of the Doctors, telling you how to improve sex etc. when I was 7 & 8.

Now I am constantly struck with this fear that I am going to be kidnapped off the street by the 'man in the white van' & I can't go walking out of my house by myself, especially at night.

Now that I am older & dating, he always asks me "have you slept with him yet? you can tell me anything" & he just seems obsessed with me being physical with a man.

He was diagnosed Bi-Polar & doesn't take his medication, but apart from that he is a pretty decent guy & you would never know that my home life was happening unless you were there. He was always so nice to other guys when we went out & really funny. I just don't understand what happened when we got home. It was like a switch flipped & he just lost it.

Please help. I don't think this behaviour from a father is normal, I just don't know if it was sexual abuse or not. I mean, he never raped me or anything. Please help. Sorry if this was long...

 
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Old 01-25-2015, 04:10 PM   #2
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Re: I'm wondering if my father sexualy abused me.

His behaviour was certainly abusive generally, and pretty inappropriate. Sexual abuse can be verbal as well, and his comments are pretty much over the line. You feel sexually abused, and I think that is a valid perception. Can you get some counselling to help you deal with getting to grips with this? Sera

 
Old 01-25-2015, 11:13 PM   #3
withthepixies
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Re: I'm wondering if my father sexualy abused me.

Thankyou for replying, no I'm not seeing a counsellor or anyone at the moment. But I think I might. It might be good for me to work through some things.

 
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Old 02-16-2015, 05:18 PM   #4
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Re: I'm wondering if my father sexualy abused me.

Hello withthepixies.

As Seraph stated,counseling may just be what you need.

It is understandable at first,if you have trust issues,as it's normal to put up a "defense" of sorts around people one's not familiar with.

Your father has his own issues,which he needs to deal with and if he chooses not to want to seek help,it's unfortunate.

You deserve a better quality of life than you're presently experiencing....

Let's try to ensure that you receive it.


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