It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Acne Message Board

  • I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 04-19-2004, 01:42 PM   #1
    jen56
    Senior Member
     
    jen56's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2002
    Posts: 130
    jen56 HB User
    Angry I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    Allrighty....I think I am officially insane. I cant stop crying and never want to go anywhere. Mostly because I am in a lot of pain from this HUGE cyst.

    I have now had 6 cysts removed.....everyone that has ever appeared. I wish I had regular acne scars...at least then people dont come up to you and ask what happened to your face. These long surgical scars SUCk. I mean I will try to go out and trying to feel good about myself when somone always comes up to me and says something like"OH gosh, sweetie what happend to your face."

    I dont even remember what normal so called life was like. I am very depressed....extremely. I just dont see a lot of point to life if you are constantly in pain or distress. I dont need a lecture on how others have it worse....trust me I know that. I wish I could just GET OVER MYSELF and try to have a good life, but for some reason, not only am I a huge cystic mess; I am also obviously mentally deficient.


    Anyhooo...now i have a huge new cyst that has turned into multiple cystic mass. THis is the biggest thing that I have ever seen. I have had it injected 7 times, had smoothbeam, taken sulfur drugs and even accutane and this sucker just wont respond.


    I am doomed to a life full of large inflamed masses. Geeze, if reincarnation is for real....I must have been a real ******* in my last life. My karma is blowing.
    __________________

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    The following user gives a hug of support to jen56:
    mysonrocks (07-25-2011)
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 04-19-2004, 02:02 PM   #2
    dfwgoodguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    dfwgoodguy's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2003
    Location: Dallas
    Posts: 773
    dfwgoodguy HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    Man i sure feel your pain. I had a cyst on my chin that connected to other ones right next to it making it real huge. It was there for 2 1/2 MONTHS. I don't have insurance so ive never been to a derm. And yeah the "other people have it worse" doesn't help the situation. I go so depressed about it, because it wouldn't go away and would just keep filling up. Its trying to come back again but im not going to pop it, i thought id never see my chin smooth again without this long *** scab coving it.

    Ive learned to cope with my acne and realized being depressed about it doesn't make things better, and ive heard it makes things worse. So the only thing i can say it, keep your head up, know that one of these days this stuff will be gone, and that huge one you have will to. I know that this post really aint gonna effect your being depressed about it, but just try to not get so down about it, because its not gonna do anything for you. Im 21yrs old and male, and there were plenty of times i would cry because of my face, it starts looking great, then i wake up and theres 3 new cysts, wake up next day more, and i can see these clogged pores on my chin that i know one of these days are gonna flare up with more cysts and more gd scars.

    I have heard on these boards, if you act like you don't have acne and you act more confident then people really don't see it so much. I now believe this because im actually getting more flurtations from girls and im feeling real good about myself. I constantly look at myself in the mirror and see this stuff, all i try to do is make sure i don't have dry flakes on my face, or whiteheads (which i know is bad to pop, but i have to...) and that actually makes me feel like my face is looking good..odd enough. :P

    Good Luck, and with the reincarnation comment, lol yeah hopefully im making up forwhatever i did in my last life with this one.

    Im gonna be pimp (not an actual pimp, but you know what i mean) in my next life.

     
    Old 04-19-2004, 05:29 PM   #3
    KillerBoots,man
    Member
     
    KillerBoots,man's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2003
    Posts: 58
    KillerBoots,man HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    man, I know what you are feeling...It is the worst feeling to think that you are a freak of nature. You look around and no one else seems to have cysts let alone acne...you feel isolated and you feel guilty for feeling the way you do, but then you think "wait, why shouldn't i feel this way". It is confusing and no one sympathisizes with you because "acne isn't a real disease" or "there are worse things you could have". There is nothing any one can say to you to make you feel better either, anyway there was never anything for me. And I know what you mean when you say you wish you could get over yourself. But, I think it is a very normal reaction to be worried and self-conscious like you are, it is a horribly traumatic experience. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hope you find some relief soon, I wish you all the best and please just vent on this board...Many of us have been there

     
    Old 04-19-2004, 06:18 PM   #4
    member86
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    member86's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2004
    Posts: 183
    member86 HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    I know what you mean. I see cystic acne as a disease, not only physical, but affecting emotions and the mind as well. And I absolutely hate it. If Acne were a person, I'd beat it up, burn it alive and pi** on the ashes.

    Nothing my friends have told me has ever made me feel better. I just look at their perfect complexions telling me all the time "it's no big deal, at least you're not going through something really bad...," or "Yeah, I had acne too," when all they had a couple of tiny pimples in high school.

    Ch'ya, RIGHT... (Thanks friends, I know you mean well, but don't talk to ME about acne.)

    In fact, the only thing that really makes me feel better is having other people to talk to that are going through the same thing and truly understand. There's lots of people out there who mean well and sympathize, but it's not the same thing.

    My point is, don't ever feel alone. There's a lot of people out there that feel your frustration and truly understand what you're going through because they've been through it too. There's days where I literally do not leave my room for days on ends because my face was soooo swollen or bleeding profusely, and looked like it was literally peeling off. Because we can share these experiences with eachother, it lets us know we're not alone. I like to think of this board as a nice support group, and I truly have been feeling better since coming here.

    Don't ever feel guilty for crying either. You have every right to and sometimes it's the only way to feel better. I just know that if my friends had skin like mine, they'd freak out too! Just my 2 cents

     
    The following user gives a hug of support to member86:
    mysonrocks (07-25-2011)
    Old 04-19-2004, 06:55 PM   #5
    Geek_USA
    Senior Member
     
    Geek_USA's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2003
    Location: California
    Posts: 219
    Geek_USA HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    I do not have cyst acne, but don't worry about it too much. Continue accutane, and just dont think about acne. The thinking will make it bad. Also im sure you do this...but be outside a lot, altough I don't think that helps cysts sicne they are under the skin.

     
    Old 04-19-2004, 07:18 PM   #6
    Green1
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Green1's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Location: The Windy City
    Posts: 283
    Green1 HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    I don't have that kind of acne, but I feel your pain. Keep your head up girl!!!!

     
    Old 04-19-2004, 07:59 PM   #7
    superman1
    Junior Member
     
    superman1's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2004
    Posts: 31
    superman1 HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    Just get on with life. The worst thing you can do is let the acne bring you down. I dont have bad acne...maybe one or 2 pimples, but its been my experience that most people who really like and care about you dont give a crap about the way your face looks. Its who you are on the inside that really matters. Just go out and be yourself and have fun...and if people give you weird looks and stares well pitty on them.

     
    Old 04-19-2004, 08:27 PM   #8
    KillerBoots,man
    Member
     
    KillerBoots,man's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2003
    Posts: 58
    KillerBoots,man HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    BUT you can't just dismiss cystic acne and say, "get on with your life". You just don't understand if you have 1 or 2 pimples...Cystic ance is totally different, if you have cystic acne you wish you had 1 or 2 pimples, you'd take that for the rest of your life rather than deal withh the pain of cysts. (i'm not trying to have a stupid competition, I'm just telling the truth about it) It is mentally and physically distructive and It is mentally and physically painful...The pain of cysts on your face and the way it can pull your face askew is just sometimes too much to take, you just want to stay in bed all day because you hhave no control over your body (even if you are taking ACCUTANE...it lasts for so long). Im glad we can talk about this on hhere...I don't know anyone in my life who has ever had cystic ance...
    For those of you who do hhave it/had it at what age did you develop it and did you have a reoccurrence?

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 07:34 AM   #9
    antarctica
    Newbie
     
    antarctica's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2004
    Posts: 1
    antarctica HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    I had them and they've left these horrible scars on me along with red patches :P but I don't have cystic acne anymore (thankfully) I used to have my face covered with them and I hated people - including my friends coming up to me with a shocked face telling me what is with my face and why don't I do something...and I tried everything but there would be pus coming out and bleeding...eek I am so sorry you have to go through this but it will go away I guess it's a phase and since there isn't anything you can do about it try not to worry so much.

    I can totally empathise with you because I hated looking in the mirror and I would cry all the time - in fact I still do that when I watch everyone's clear faces. I suppose they were just born that way and even if they say the "understand" they don't, they can't because they haven't undergone all this torture but at least you will be a better person .

    You should talk to someone about it, even crying may help but I haven't stopped hurting emotionally from acne so I cannot really advice you on what to do but superman1 is right it's your inside that really matters and focus on other things, some thing you really like to do, listen to good music, etc. because that'll help you divert your mid from all the pain - physical and emotional

    I wish I never had acne but I did and I can't change that now

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 09:36 AM   #10
    Wants2Help
    Junior Member
     
    Wants2Help's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2003
    Posts: 34
    Wants2Help HB User
    My daughter got severe cystic acne in Sept.

    I completely agree with those that have said that there is a huge difference between a few pimples or even moderate acne and cystic acne. Over the last few years I felt very bad for my daughter's struggles with acne. I had it, too, but I felt hers was worse and it really upset me to have to see her otherwise beautiful face marred (you should see her airbrushed school pictures). But now I'd give anything to have it go back to what she had. This September she broke out in a terrible case of cystic acne. This went on for a couple of months. Not only did how it looked upset her (and just absolutely broke my heart), but she told me how painful it was. I have never seen anyone with a worse case in person... I saw some pictures on the Net for a couple of people who had it worse. Her cysts on both cheeks were basically interconnected into one huge red mass.

    The derm tried another antibiotic and then was going to put her on Accutane when we read about the NLite laser, and found someone local who uses it. She's now been for a few treatments, and it knocked out the cystic acne. All the inflammation went down, no more pain. Some pimples have developed, and the doctor has treated them.

    The problem now is that the cysts were so bad that she now has these red spots where some of them were that seem to be taking forever to fade... and she also has ice pick scars on both cheeks.

    After she saw some results with the NLite, she started to talk about how she feels about this more... I think she repressed her feelings about this before. This kid really deserves a break... hell, you all do... but she went through some tough times before the acne got this bad. She developed a neurological disorder known as Tourette Syndrome, characterized by a number of motor tics (head jerking among others) and vocal tics (high pitch squeals). Her "friends" in middle school dropped her like a hot potato... and she became an outcast. She fought and won her "friends" back, only to lose them again in high school, and make and lose another set when they realized how uncool it made them to hang around with the weird kid whose head jerks around and who makes all these noises.

    So, she went off to a local college, and made a whole new set of friends that has stuck by her, tics and all... only to have her face ravaged by this awful disease of cystic acne. This poor 19 1/2 year old has never been on a date. You wouldn't believe it if you saw her high school picture... she looks gorgeous!

    My heart is absolutely broken... first she had to suffer through the tics and becoming an outcast (she still struggles with the tics, but we all accept them better now, including her college friends), and now none of the guys have any interest because her beautiful face has been savagely ravaged. I hope with all my might that we can get the red marks to fade, and somehow fix the scars... and of course we have to make sure the evil cysts don't return to cause any more damage.... and for now, I've laid out thousands of dollars on treatments, and I don't know if I will get any reimbursement from the insurance company... we sent in a form. I usually don't "fight City Hall" because I don't have the time or energy to do so... but I believe strongly that the insurance should cover this.

    Again, to anyone who's ever had cystic acne... believe me, I feel your pain... my acne wasn't as bad (though I was made fun of) but I feel more pain from what my daughter has gone through than if it was me. It's been that with all that she's suffered through. It hurts me so much to see her have to deal with all this.

    Sorry for the long post... I need to get back to work, but I must again say how heartbroken I am for her... and I wish all of you suffering from this scourge the best.
    __________________
    - A Dad who Wants2Help

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 10:16 AM   #11
    BostonGirl44
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    BostonGirl44's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2004
    Posts: 1,433
    BostonGirl44 HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    Wants2Help,

    Reading your daughter's story breaks my heart. To have to go through that much is terrible for anybody. It bothers me when I hear people say, "get on with your life" or "it's not as bad as you think." But it's physically and mentally exhausting when you're worried about your face all the time. Even if only one cyst pops up on my face, I feel like the most disgusting person in the world. When I told my mom I was going to start accutane, she told me I probably shouldn't bother and that in a few years, I wouldn't break out anymore. Okay, except I'm 25 and had pimples here and there growing up but all of a sudden my face exploded when I was 24. Until someone deals with the pain of cystic acne, nobody should tell them they'll "grow out of it." Maybe they will, maybe they won't. For me, it's always the people with clear skin who say this to me. After my accutane treatment, I hope I'm one of those with clear skin, but I wouldn't look down on people with acne.

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 12:39 PM   #12
    Wants2Help
    Junior Member
     
    Wants2Help's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2003
    Posts: 34
    Wants2Help HB User
    Thanks to BostonGirl

    BostonGirl,

    Thanks for your thoughts and feelings. I never had cystic acne, and even before the cysts appeared, my daughter's acne was worse than mine ever was, but even so I have some understanding of what it feels like. This clear skinned, empty-headed "cool" senior called me "Pie", short for "Pizza Pie" when I was a sophomore in high school. I was embarrassed about my appearance and lacked confidence with girls. And when my acne started to clear my senior year in high school (and I grew my hair long - a big deal in the 1969-1970 school year), suddenly lots of girls were interested in me.

    My daughter has never had that. Never went on a date. Went to her prom with her cousin. She did kiss a boy the summer before she turned 17... but that was before the acne got bad, and certainly before the cysts.

    Yeah, I agree that "growing out of it" or "it's no so serious" seriously devalues the emotional pain and other issues someone suffering with this is going through. Between what she's been through with the Tourette syndrome tics, and now the cystic acne, honestly, I sometimes don't know how she keeps as upbeat as she usually is. But sometimes it all gets to her... and the way she usually handles it is to shut down. She's somewhat hopeful now that there's been vast improvement with the cysts being vanquished (at least for now), but I wonder if it's too late... will the red marks go away? Can her scars be fixed? Can she have get out of life what she should be able to get?

    She is one of the most caring people in the whole world, and very bright. She works as a camp counselor over the summer and babysits for the neighbor's kids and some of the kids at her camp, and all the kids love her. LOVE HER! I love being with her, but sometimes it's too painful for me to see the marks and scars and the tics and then remember what it was like when she was a clear skinned kid with no tics. I'll tell you this... she'll appreciate whatever she gets out of life more than the average person will. And she is a good friend to people... she would never dump someone the way her high school "friends" dumped her.

    Ah, I'm rambling... I just wanted to thank you,
    __________________
    - A Dad who Wants2Help

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 01:10 PM   #13
    jen56
    Senior Member
     
    jen56's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2002
    Posts: 130
    jen56 HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    Thanks for all the replies guys. I was impressed that people related, in the past when I posted on here, many times I got reemed for being so distressed about my current acne situation.

    Unfortunately, Accutane did work the first time, but it did not work the other amazing 5 times that i took it. And the other bad thing is that 2 1/2 months for a cyst to go away would be a blessing for me. The cyst that i have burns like fire and is so sensitive....sometimes the infection makes my right eye swell shut. And not to mention, that this cyst has been here since my birthday which was.......JANUARY 16th.....And it is only worse now. THis is the course of my cysts.

    And acne sucks no matter what kind it is, i originally broke out with bumps everywhere and that sucked....but I had no idea what a bad break out was until I started getting cysts. I would much rather have some bumps on my face than a huge mass....I am not exaggerating this stuff is HUGE.

    I thought I got away with it when i got out of my teenage years without having acne.....HA HA... I got this crap when I turned 22, I am 29 now.

    Life blows....who knew? ANd I am so sorry to the Dad that is concerned.... i really feel for you. My Mom has gone through alot with me over this and I feel like she blames herself.....although her skin is beautiful. Most likely I inherited this from my father since he has the same condition.

    And like your daughter, i actually have a very attractive face......it just has huge ***** blobs on it....not really a man attractor.

    However, I have never had a problem finding relationships...until I started feeling so bad about myself that I just couldnt enjoy the relationship without feeling needy and I am not a needy person.

    I pray that your daughter gets through this time. If she believes in herself, I have hope for her.

    OH! Someone recommended therapy....I have been in therapy for over a year now....hmmm.....still feel pretty crappy.

    LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
    Jen
    __________________

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 01:21 PM   #14
    dfwgoodguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    dfwgoodguy's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2003
    Location: Dallas
    Posts: 773
    dfwgoodguy HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jenfen56
    However, I have never had a problem finding relationships...until I started feeling so bad about myself that I just couldnt enjoy the relationship without feeling needy and I am not a needy person.
    Jen

    I think thats all i need to make me feel better about myself. If i had a gf, that didn't care about my acne, then that would be all i needed. I don't care what people think about my face because i can't help it, one of these days someone is gonna see how good of a person i am and once that happens, ill be over my acne. And maybe by then, it will be over me. :P

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 01:58 PM   #15
    BostonGirl44
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    BostonGirl44's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2004
    Posts: 1,433
    BostonGirl44 HB User
    Re: I am OFFICIALLY a FREAK of nature

    Jen,

    From one person to another who's had her eye swell up due to a cystic infection, I feel your pain. I had two separate cysts under my right eye that merged into one, spread down the side of my nose, and swelled up really bad. It was like this for 2 weeks and I was constantly wearing my glasses to cover it up. Because I had the glasses on, nobody could tell anything was wrong. As soon as I took the glasses off, everyone could see why I left them on. Then by some miracle, as I was showering and getting ready yesteday morning, it discharged. I don't want to gross anyone out, so I won't go into graphic detail about how gross it was lol. But what's good is that I don't have to wear my glasses all day to cover it up. I had it injected 2 weeks ago and I have another derm appointment this coming Monday, so I was planning to have it reinjected. But I'm glad I can avoid another needle in the face. Anyway, I wouldn't wish cystic acne on my worst enemy. Before Accutane, I was unable to sleep on my stomach or side because the pressure on my face would give me headaches and I wouldn't be able to sleep. For anybody who says a little bit of acne is nothing, they should try dealing with it.

    Dfwgoodguy,

    I felt the same way as you. About 3 years ago, my friend set me up with a guy and wouldn't you know it, a few days before I was supposed to meet him, I broke out with 3 huge cysts. I tried every quick fix to get rid of them (and only made things worse) but decided to go ahead and meet him anyway. We got along great and ended up dating for a while. He told me he didn't think anything of it and said I was beautiful to him. I guess good, decent people will look past your skin and see what's inside that you have to offer. Those are the kinds of people I would want to associate with anyway.

    Last edited by BostonGirl44; 04-20-2004 at 02:03 PM.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Yaz = No period? Trying not to freak out! kady05 Birth Control 8 06-30-2006 08:48 AM
    I have officially run out of options! star803 Inner Ear Disorders 20 08-19-2005 10:26 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:19 AM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!