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  • Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

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    Old 05-03-2001, 07:40 AM   #1
    Jenk24
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    Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    I recently married a very handsome man with
    "perfect" skin. I have indented scars (one really deep, saucer-type one) and red marks from three years ago! My man loves me, but I'm still uncomfy being makeup-less around him at times.

    Although married, I can't believe that men could find women with acne scars attractive; I dated one man before meeting my future hubby, and he, too, said that he didn't see what I do. I just can't believe that! How can someone look past those visible flaws that drive me insane???

    I sometimes feel envious because I know that other women find my husband attractive. I wish I felt that other men find me goodlooking, too. Even in marriage, people want to feel attractive to the opposite sex, and it feels unbalanced if you don't feel that you can catch someone's eye.

    I'd give anything to be 21 again. At that age, I my moderate acne turned mild, and I had the most self-confidence ever. At 22, I got hit with cystic acne and scarred all over the place. My life, although very good in certain respects, has never been the same again. I felt scarred when I had acne, but now I'm officially scarred, inside and out.

    Does anyone else feel this way?

    Jenk

     
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    Old 05-03-2001, 08:50 AM   #2
    AngelaMDarling
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    I can relate to your feelings, but not the one about men NOT finding women with acne scars attractive. I should hope that a few red marks on my face isnt what they BASE ME ON, or even look at! What about eyes, smile, personality, charisma?!

     
    Old 05-03-2001, 09:09 AM   #3
    Jenk24
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    AngelaMDarling,

    Life was great for me when all I had were red marks. Those I could hide very easily beneath creative makeup skills. It was the onset of indented scars (some quite noticeable) that upset me so much. It is those scars that make me feel unwomanly, if you will.

    Jenk

     
    Old 05-03-2001, 09:28 AM   #4
    ruffeo
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    I feel your pain. From my own experience Going from a confident, "life loving" lad, gaining some excess bagage (acne) and then turning into an anxiety ridden, self conscience little freak does that to people.

    Drastic changes does that to people.

    The only advise I can give to you is learn to deal and accept the way things are. If going out and having plastic surgery done is how a person can cope with this mess, go for it, as long as it makes you feel better and accept who you are. Remember those times when you were confident, remember those times when you loved life.

    Even though others don't look at you, you still have your husband, a man that loves you for you. When people like us have scarring, we often jump to conclusions and think to ourselves that we are ugly, you can't go about life thinking that way, it's not right!

    <B>You aren't ugly and you know it!!!</B> <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

    Tootles,
    ruff<p>[This message has been edited by ruffeo (edited 05-03-2001).]

     
    Old 05-03-2001, 09:40 AM   #5
    Girlie19
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    Yeah, I know how you feel. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif">

     
    Old 05-03-2001, 09:51 AM   #6
    Jenk24
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    This may sound el-nutso and self-contradictory, but I don't necessarily feel "ugly." I do, however, feel less feminine as a result of my indented scars. I don't suppose that looking at fashion magazines helps any, either, since the models all "look" perfect.

    It took me a while to be content--even happy--with my short/petite body structure. Then my face cleared up considerably, and I was unstoppable! The wind was taken from my sails, though, when cystic acne scarred me.

    I wish that I could run out and afford laser surgery tomorrow, but I can't. Not a viable option just now. Guess I'll stick to PhilLaser's recommendation of facial scrubbing and Vaseline applications all day.

    I know that I'd not feel any better about myself if I were heavyset, cross-eyed, etc. Sometimes I console myself with such thoughts. But other days, I just feel down about the fact that acne got the best of me, not only because it managed to leave scars, but also because it took away what made me so attractive to men: my zing for life. Even if I had that zing back 100%, I'd still have scars, which is a sad thought.

    Jenk

     
    Old 05-03-2001, 10:45 AM   #7
    canada2k
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    Jen24,
    I can relate to you 100% and I am a guy! I got acne late when I was 20, before that I was clear and happy. Being sorta young still (23) my life has been divided into two sections before and after acne.

    Before acne I had a great life, wouldnt consider myself a ladies man, but had a great social life <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">. All of a sudden I got hit with BAD acne and my life changed. I took acutane cleared up my acne but left me with horrible skin with red marks and some indents. I stayed home like a hermit didnt return calls with the notion in the back of my head it will all be ok in a few months. I walked through life like a zombie going to school work and going home right after. The worst thing about the whole experience for me was seeing people I knew before I had acne. It was so humiliating seeing them!

    Well 2 years later with minor improvement I have decided to take control of my life and skin. I am dead set on doing either microdermabrasion or peels this summer right before my last year at university. My main inpiration on this board has been philaser and his before and after pictures. well thats my pathetic story. Hopefully a couple months from now, I can be happy once again! <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif">

     
    Old 05-03-2001, 12:07 PM   #8
    Jenk24
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    Canada2K,

    I know EXACTLY what you mean. I was living on my own (5-hours from my old friends and family) when I got hit with cystic acne. My face scarred within a matter of a few weeks! That was nearly three years ago, and I've not seen any of my old friends from back home since--not even when I moved back to the same neighborhood! I just couldn't face them, couldn't stand having them see the less-than-spectacular changes in my face. They've always known me with acne, but not with indented scars. I just couldn't deal with them seeing the "new" me. So, I never contacted them in 2.5 years.

    When I did finally write to my two friends, they never bothered to reply. I can't blame them, though I feel somewhat justified in wanting to hide my face. Who wants to feel unattractive and scrutinized?

    Jenk

     
    Old 05-04-2001, 12:53 AM   #9
    Laney
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    Jenk24,

    I know what you mean. I have had cystic acne since I was 14 so I can't remember what my face was like before acne but I do remember thinking I would grow it, I never even thought about scars. Also, it does make you feel less womanly like women aren't supposed to have rough texture to their face. I was wondering how tall you were? You mentioned accepting your petite frame and at only 5'1" I don't think I will ever feel normal. I don't know what makes me feel like less of a person my acne or my height.

    Laney

     
    Old 05-04-2001, 05:34 AM   #10
    tootles
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    hey ruffeo,

    why did you use my name at the end of your post? Just curious.

     
    Old 05-04-2001, 06:51 AM   #11
    Jenk24
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    Re: Women with "Real" Scars & Men...

    Laney,

    I'm almost 5' 3", or at least that's what my mom said when she measured me a few years back. The way I got over my height discomfort had a lot to do with my face. When I was 21 and in college (with lots of young, vibrant men), my face was pretty well clear (only one indented scar then). I wore spunky clothes and walked with my head held high. The more take-charge I looked, the more men seemed to notice me. Before I knew it, a male friend informed me that he knew of six guys who liked me. Six?!? Yeah, I think that I looked good, but I think it was my attitude that caught their attention. (Even an ex of mine wanted me back by then.)
    And I've never dated a guy below 6', which is a total fluke. It was tall guys who showed an interest in me. My husband is 6'--no surprise, right? LOL

    My advice: Walk with your head held high and dress your age (which you didn't mention in your post). If you're in college or in a bar, most guys will catch on that your 18+ or at least 21. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> And there are plenty of men out there who find short women sexy and spunky. You just have to work on liking those qualities first. Remember, the inside translates (or transfers) to the outside.

    Jenk

     
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