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    Old 03-22-2001, 02:54 PM   #1
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    relationships and acne

    i met my girlfriend whilst i was on accutane 4 months ago and my skin was clear with just the redness. now my skin is getting progressively worse and i feel ugly so i am avoiding her. i don't know how to talk about my acne with her or whether i should?? obviously she can see i have it but its getting worse and i feel shy now no more embarrassed more than anything. her skin is flawless and i know people say u can look beyond the acne but how can i cope with my own insecurity? at times i feel like just ending the relationship not cos i want to but because i feel ugly and think that my skins only going to get worse! this may sound harsh but its the reality!!! just as i though my acne was under control BAM there it goes again!!!! i know looks aren't everything but when we first met my skin was clear now its not how can i find out if this has changed anything? her friends are probably more likely to say something to her i don't know what to do?? i really don't want to lose her because of this !!

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    Old 03-22-2001, 03:05 PM   #2
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    Re: relationships and acne

    Hey Ed,

    I can't empathize since I've never really had clear skin, but I can tell you that there are women out there (even with ``flawless'' skin) that could care less about your skin problems. At least that's been my experience. The problems always come when YOU start sabotaging the relationship in order to cover yourself from any perceived rejection. I've also had that experience a number of times. The best thing you can do is get it out in the open as soon as possible. Think about it. There are really two possibilities:

    1) She does have a problem with your acne, in which case she'll eventually find an excuse to leave (meanwhile stringing you along for a while).

    2) She doesn't have a problem with it, in which case everything's cool.

    In the first situation, getting things out in the open just saves you a lot of time and suffering. In the second situation, getting things out in the open again saves you a lot of suffering (and also probably saves the relationship).

    So, either way, you can't lose. TALK TO HER ABOUT IT!


    Old 03-22-2001, 03:05 PM   #3
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    Re: relationships and acne

    How old are you? If you don't mind me asking?

    A little word to the wise...

    Talk to her. You have a relationship, you should be able to talk to her about these things. Tell her that you feel insecure about having the acne, it makes you a shy person. Tell her the reason why you've been avoiding her, tell her she's the most beautiful thing in the world and you, at times, feel like your acne gets in the way of you two having a meaningful relationship.

    I don't really know how you could approach this situation, age, believe it or not can make a difference as to what you should do, I know that at times, kids can be cruel, but then again so can adults.

    I'm sure if your still together now, you'll be ok, just give the poor girl a reason why you've been straying away from her lately.

    Old 03-22-2001, 03:50 PM   #4
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    Re: relationships and acne

    A have to give you a female perspective now...
    In many ways, I know exactly how you feel. I've shyed away from boyfriend a lot because when he met me, I had never really had acne in my life. Then, a couple of months into it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was terrified that he would leave me because I felt that I was no longer the person he was attracted to. One day, I just told him everything and although he gets frustrated with me, he's become a partner in trying to get control of the problem. Before that, the more I stressed about him noticing the problem, the more of a problem it became (stress is not good for your skin!) Anyway, once we got it out on the open, I could calm down and allow him to tell me that I was still the same person and that my skin was such a small part of who I am. As he pointed out, he didn't fall in love with my skin, he fell in love with ME. If you were to make a list of all of the things you like about your girlfriend, would clear skin even make the top ten? If she developed acne, would you walk out? Try to give her some credit for being a deeper person. If she isn't, it's better to know that now so you can move on and find someone who cares about a lot more than some spots on your face. Finally, if you avoid talking to her, she may think that she's done something wrong and the problem will only escalate. Just be honest, be yourself and give her a chance to know what you're feeling.

    Old 03-22-2001, 06:42 PM   #5
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    Re: relationships and acne

    i thought i was the only person to feel this way.ive been with my beautiful girlfriend for 2 years and 5 months.when we met my skin was i look like ive been hit with an acne stick.i feel very depressed,i feel that she deserves better than me.shes always asking to do stuff with me,but i mostly say no because i dont wanna be seen.its terrible,its caused us to argue many times(not directly about the acne)just the problems that are caused by me having acne,we hardly go out.i feel sad mostly.i never want her to stare at me or touch my face,its just a horrible feeling to have had perfect skin,then have horrible acne faced skin

    Old 03-22-2001, 07:03 PM   #6
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    Re: relationships and acne

    im in the exact same boat as you. i thought i was the only one with this relationship and acne problem. My problem is this, i just started Accutane and this initial breakout period has me looking pretty bad. i guess im almost through with this breakout, or so im told, im about a month into treatment. idk about telling her that im on Accutane? I feel just like you, we started goign out and I had clear skin but persistant moderate acne. i heard accutane gets rid of that but it actually made my acne worse bc of the first breakout. o well, so should i tell her im starting Accutane? i dont want her to think this breakout is going to get worse, which i hope it doesnt. good luck with ur girlfriend and i hope it all goes thru well!

    Old 03-23-2001, 07:58 AM   #7
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    Re: relationships and acne

    I'm a female and I've had acne since I was 10 and went on all sorts of antibiotics til I finally got it under control. I'd still get a few zits, but nothing like I'd had. Anyways, I met my husband when I was 21 and he had perfect skin, and although I felt like he deserved better and I wasn't as pretty as someone with perfect skin, he DIDNT CARE, he never asked about it, stared at it, nothing. He always said how special I was. If I ever brought it up he'd say "it's temporary", that's all he'd ever say and let me tell you, he was right. I'm now acne free and have been married to him for 14 years. So, my advice to you would be just to *enjoy* what you have with your girl/boyfriend and just go one day at a time and try not to worry about it or else you'll probably break out more. Just remember it's *INSIDE* that matters, some people learn that earlier than others. Take it from me!!! <IMG SRC="">

    Old 03-31-2001, 07:05 AM   #8
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    Re: relationships and acne

    My boyfriend also has acne, worse than mine in fact, since he has deep depressed scars all over his cheeks, but I still feel extremely self conscious about my looks when I'm with him. He has never brought up either of our skin problems in the year we've been together, and although I'm slightly relieved, I wish we could both discuss it and get some serious help together. The thing is, it doesn't seem to bother him much. He doesn't care about his diet, or cleansing his skin. He doesn't even mind if someone ran their dirty, oily fingers all over his face. I wish I could be as carefree as him.

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