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Pretending to be happy Ė My life for the previous 5 years- Advice.

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Old 03-25-2011, 04:17 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Bedfordshire
Posts: 25
aliass HB User
Pretending to be happy Ė My life for the previous 5 years- Advice.

Pretending to be happy Ė My life for the previous 5 years

What Iíve tried Ė In order

1. Over the counter products such as clean and clear / Clearasil
2. Benzoyl Peroxide
3. Clidymycin
4. Minocycline
5. Doxycycline
6. Differin
7. Benzoyl Peroxide again (which actually got me quite clear for a large period of time)
8. Epiduo
9. No Products Ėaka just water
10. Dairy free diet
11. Gluten / wheat free/ sugar free / dairy free
12. Exercising
13. Drinking 8+ glasses of water a day
14. No picking
15. Positive mentality

For the last 5 years (since 17) Iíve had acne. Iím not sure what I would class my acne as but Iíd say moderate. Whilst I donít get any cheek acne, my chin hasnít been clear in 5 years (not once) and I get deep under the skin pimples that take around 7-10 days to go away yet alone heal. When I get these it hurts to smile, it hurts to laugh, it even hurts to talk...

Iíve always tried to approach acne with the mentality that Itíll get better once Iím into my 20ís and to be frank, it has got no worse or better. The only difference is that Iím almost 22 and the problem is still there destroying my youth. It has stopped me from living life; Iím so envious of those who can lead a Ďnormal lifeí. It has complete control over my thoughts and actions and after trying every possible outlet I believe itís time for accutane.

I remember when I was young, I used to have no worries, I would just live life. Sounds like the simplest thing in the world but itís also the best thing in the world. Just going to school was amazing, coming home and playing on my guitar for 4 hours, amazing. The best part about it was the I wasnít constantly fixated on my image, what others thought of me and how I had to constantly pretend to be happy. My thought process would process the activity I was undertaking and move onÖ

Well, hereís the truth. Every day of my life is a constant struggle. I am unable to do what I want to do, eat what I want and am constantly in a state of worry. Iíve done everything in my power to beat this disease, would you call it a disease? Feels like one to me.

Who the hell doesnít have an Easter egg at Easter? Who doesnít have an ice cream when itís a particularly hot day. Who has to turn down desserts whenever I go out for a meal in public? Who canít have a bag of sweets to much on whilst watching a movie? Me!

Iím not the kind of person who doesnít want to get better. This is horrible; I want happiness, thatís all I want. I couldnít care about anything else in life.
I notice all of my friends are now clear, no Iím not exaggerating, they are ALL clear. They all do NOTHING to their skin and the word Ďacneí has probably crossed their minds less than 20 times in their lifetime. Sure everybody gets the occasional spot that lasts two days but I havenít had a clear face in 5 years.

Asking for accutane goes against all my beliefs, but I feel as If Iím left with no alternative. It has stopped me from

- Going on Holidays
- Forming relationships
- Having Ďfuní
- Looking forward to an event Ė I donít get excited about anything anymore. Itís more of a case of Ď will I cancel because Iíll look like shití
- Living carefree

I WANT to travel, I WANT to meet new people, I WANT to meet someone who I could have a relationship with, I WANT to have kids in the future.

So here I am, sitting inside on a Friday night, most of my friends are out there clubbing having fun and here I am back at square one writing some stupid log that will get me nowhere in terms of progression, I donít even know why Iím writing itÖ.My ĎfriendsíÖwell I call them friends but I can feel myself loosing touch with them and I donít blame them. I always make excuses when they invite me somewhere and can feel I am generally a boring person to be around. Iím not funny, Iím not charismatic, and Iím not inspirational. At least I have morals, I like to think Iím a kind, polite person and that is what carries me through life.

Every so often I break down and just burst into floods of tears (every year or so) I remember before a lecture at university I drove in and got so upset after looking in the mirror that I sat there and cried before driving home.

I Once woke up for work and had a terrible nodular pimple that was raised and angry. I went downstairs and said to my mum ĎíI canít take this anymoreíí and burst out in to tears like Iíve never done before.

Recently, I came home from work and didnít call anyone to let them know I wasnít going to be coming back that day. I walked in and one man said Ďíwhatís wrong with your faceí I drove home and cried my eyes out once againÖ

If I were to give myself a diagnosis, it would be that Iím suffering from borderline depression, which is highly influenced by acne and my perception of how others perceive me. I acknowledge that I need help, I need all kinds of help. I need medication to obliterate this acne and I need to rebuild my confidence, of which currently stands at zero. Sometimes I go out of the house wearing trendy clothes and think to myself, why do you even bother? The rest of you looks like **** so whatís the point?

I could honestly go on writing about this for days, am Iím not exaggerating. But this is it, I mean it, 5 years of my life wasted to this disease is too much. Not only am I dealing with acne now Iím dealing with anxiety and depression, ******* brilliant.

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Old 03-27-2011, 09:41 AM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1
jsr942 HB User
Re: Pretending to be happy Ė My life for the previous 5 years- Advice.

Hey mate. Look I can relate to about everything you are saying; so closely in some parts I coulda sworn I had written it myself. I too am 21, almost 22. I've had acne on/off since 15- and yeah it can get me down. The thing is, the acne is honestly not the problem; as I have found out. Do you really think that after avoiding, hiding and cancelling social situations for so long- that when you look in the mirror one day and see no acne everything will change instantly? Your mindset is- I don't want to be seen with acne. But instead you are just not seen- this is what happened to me. And its not even the acne, because you will carry these insecurities with or without acne until you snap yourself out of this crap. Do your friends think you are insecure because of your acne- no; if they think you are insecure its for your personality. Do YOU personally ever go home, then reflect on someone else's skin? 'oh man I saw this person at the shop today, they had some acne hahaha what were they doing' -do you do this- NO? do you think other people do? -definately not. If you don't do this, I can assure you others don't. You are way more judgemental than most- because of experiences and mindset with acne. Have you ever been somewhere- seen someone else with acne; talking with a girl, the centre of attention, the sports dude and looked in admiration. You will be one of the only ones looking at his skin because you are so judgemental about yourself...but do you find yourself thinking... 'Oh its okay for him to have acne becauses he's him and everyone likes him'. Well why can't that be you? Does his acne even bother you? no.

If it dont matter to you it dont matter to me- donavon frankenreiter

those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind- if there are people out there who actually care about how bad your skin is they are not worth your time, and having no acne would still make them not worth your time.

You can't live for the future because you will miss out. 'Im gonna go out and meet girls, get fit, get money, travel........but when my skin clears up' - come on.

I actually think acne is partly a disease of the mind, caused by stress and anxiety. Once you can let go of it in your mind and start truly thinking positive it will start to disappear- and by the time its gone you wont care if you have acne or not. No one really knows what causes acne; some dermatologists will tell you diet has NO factor on acne. So just do what YOU want. Eat a piece of cake, play guitar, go to the club. Just have fun- if your worried about girls- dont be? Just be with friends, chill out with the boys,- acting confident and just being yourself is actually the most attractive thing to a girl anyway.

Acne stopped you from playing guitar? Last time I checked my guitar doesnt have eyes and can't judge. But I have the mindset not to judge, so that mindset attracts like-mindedness. So I don't expect others to judge me.

Aaaargh just go to sleep, wake up to some good food and hit the day running!

Peace man.

Old 03-27-2011, 05:42 PM   #3
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Re: Pretending to be happy Ė My life for the previous 5 years- Advice.

Have you tried Acutane? Its a strong medicine, and it has side effects, but it can work a miracle cure on acne that reistst antibiotics and topical treatments.
The desire to take medicines is what seperates man from the lower animals - William Ostler

Multiple anecdotes do not equal evidence - Me

Old 04-01-2011, 09:17 AM   #4
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 30
LitS917 HB User
Re: Pretending to be happy Ė My life for the previous 5 years- Advice.

hey!! i sure can relate to your post and i'm sorry to hear how down in the dumps you are! I am currently down and out about my skin too, but at the end of the day - I'm thankful to have friends and family that care about me and so should you!!

I dont know where you live, and what type of products you have access to, but keep trying different combinations! something out there will work! Have you ever tried Proactiv? that stuff works for me... my face isn't 100% clear, and probably never will be, but it does help! The key is to use a LITTLE bit when you wash your face morning & nite.. "less is always more!"

also, i believe in using natural ingredients when possible. Lemon juice and egg whites are good when you combine then and use as a mask to treat red spots... i would try that out and see if you see improvement.

another thing ive tried in the past was 'tea tree oil' .. this stuff is sold in a drug/pharmacy kind of store in the vitamin isle. its in a small 3 inch bottle and its very very strong smelling! what I did was put approx 5 drops into a clean spray bottle and fill it up with water. spray your face before bed time and see if that improves anything. tea tree oil is often used to kill bacteria and that can be effective for treating acne.

also, do you change your pillowcases often? do you sleep on your face? this can irritate your face and cause pimples... keep them clean!

if all else fails, i would contact a place that does facial procedures like "skin rejuvenation" and "microdermabrasions" these procedures cost anywhere from $100-$3000 and can really really improve your skin. there are lasers that go deep into your pores and kill acne.. its all a process that takes time and money.

well good luck and take care! keep in mind that every single person in the world has issues/problems... we just so happen to have ******* acne!! what can ya do?!!

Old 04-01-2011, 09:19 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 30
LitS917 HB User
Re: Pretending to be happy Ė My life for the previous 5 years- Advice.

ALSO DONT TOUCH YOUR FACE!!! if you touch a door knob, or bathroom sink handle, then touch ur face -- ur spreading germs & bacteria that will get into ur pores and make pimples!

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