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So confused about teenage son

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Old 04-22-2004, 03:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3
blueirisheyzs HB User
So confused about teenage son

This is the first time I have come to this site and was hoping for some words of encouragement because I'm at my wits end. Hope this doesn't get to long but my son has always been in gifted classes throughout elementary and middle school and maintained A's and B's without a problem...never good at organization but kept the grades up. He is now in 10th grade and from the day he stepped into 9th grade he has been getting D's and F's sometimes a C. I have tried everything from grounding, to taking away privledges, to offering rewards with no change. He forgets to turn in assignments, forgets to bring books home, does poorly on tests. This year he was accepted in an Arts school because he is a very talented musician and loves the school but if he doesn't get his act together they will make him leave...his music grades are all A's and B+!
I have an appointment with a psychologist to have him evaluated for ADD because that is my last option. Reading about the symptoms makes me think I'm right about the ADD and I think it will be a relief if he does have it. I have been in tears on and off for days going back and forth as to what I did wrong, how can I fix it, why can't I fix it, I am afraid they will tell me he DOESN'T HAVE ADD and then I know that I have no control whatsoever over his school work and he will fail. Then you get the advice from well meaning friends that he's capable and I'm just not tough enough on him and I should take everything away until he straightens out...I'm so confused. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

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Old 04-23-2004, 09:21 AM   #2
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Re: So confused about teenage son

Originally Posted by blueirisheyzs
I am afraid they will tell me he DOESN'T HAVE ADD and then I know that I have no control whatsoever over his school work and he will fail. Then you get the advice from well meaning friends that he's capable and I'm just not tough enough on him...
Hi blueirisheyzs,

Well, I think it's certainly possible that he has ADD and it's worth an evaluation. Technically, to be diagnosed as ADD, the symptoms must have been present since before age 7. However, it's not unusual for kids (especially the really bright ones) to be able to compensate for it until Junior High, High School, or even College.

I also think that you should ask for a "thorough" evaluation and not limit it to ADD because sometimes other things (like depression or anxiety) can mimic the symptoms of ADD.

Oh, those well-meaning friends! How many hearts have they wounded? I seriously doubt that your parenting is the issue here. Something is going on and the sooner you get an evaluation, the sooner you can help your son. In the meantime, I'd try the opposite approach - I'd try to relinquish as much control over schoolwork as possible; I think, at that age, the more you try to control, the more they resist.

Good luck with the evaluation: You're on the right track!

Old 04-23-2004, 12:23 PM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3
blueirisheyzs HB User
Re: So confused about teenage son

Thank you ; ) The saying "hindsight is 20/20" is coming into play here in a big way. Looking back, I can remember alot of things that relate to ADD and just passed it off as Dave being Dave. The idea of a "thorough" evaluation is a wonderful idea that I didn't even consider. I appreciate the help.

Old 04-27-2004, 09:29 AM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1
Re: So confused about teenage son

If your son is ADD it will be a relief to him too. I am in college I'm a guy and I have ADD.

I've known it ever since I can remember. My parents had me diagnosised early since I have a older brother with Asbersgers Syndrome. I am in college now and I'm making the best grades of my life. Now I'm taking Adderall with no unusual problems. There is hope. I plan to be an Orthropedic Surgeon and presently I'm majoring in Chemical Engineering and always doing well when I study.

I hope I have encouraged you and your son.

Last edited by AUADD; 04-27-2004 at 09:31 AM. Reason: thoughts didn't corrolate

Old 04-27-2004, 10:48 AM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3
blueirisheyzs HB User
Re: So confused about teenage son

Thank you so much for your encouragement! It helps and I wish you all the best in your endeavors. You should be very proud of yourself!

Old 05-03-2004, 10:58 AM   #6
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 4
overcomer HB User
Cool Re: So confused about teenage son

Hi, in reading your post, it is obvious your son is capable and excells in the things he enjoys. Just because he is not doing as well in school doesn't mean he has an illness. He is a teenager! he wants to do the things he likes and not do the things he doesn't. He needs to be accountable and be responsible. It's not your responsibility at this point that he gets his work done, it's his, and if he doesn't then the consequences are his. It's hard as a parent to see our kids fail at something but they can't learn from their own mistakes if they are constantly being saved from them.

Don't be afraid to let him fail......he may then learn he has to make things happen for himself.

Good luck!

Last edited by overcomer; 05-03-2004 at 10:58 AM. Reason: wrong name

Old 05-03-2004, 03:06 PM   #7
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 85
msmars5188 HB User
Re: So confused about teenage son

I sympathize with your son, since I am in a similar situation. I'm also 16( I believe you said your son was too) and I have known since I was about 12 that i may have add/adhd. I recently convinced my mom to let my dad take me to get evaluated after years of convincing, and I'm not exaggerating. These things are always more difficult when your parents are split up and dont communicate very well with eachother, but im used to it by now.

Ok, now onto the real reason for writing. I had no trouble through elementary or middle school and i was a straight A student without even having to study for a test. Then, I went to high school and suddenly everything changed. I still get A's and B's, but that is a drastic change for me, considering my mom used to brag that i was in the 99th percential in testing when i was little! I even sunk to hte unthinkable, I got a C on my report card! I was devistated and freshman year really got me wanting to go get tested. If your son is as smart and gifted as i am interpreting from your posts, then you may be right about the add thing. Most gifted kids dont get diagnosed until they are in high school, or later, because everything has always been realitively easy for us. I just want to thank you for being so concerned about your son and not automatically assuming that he is this kid gone bad, if every parent was as caring and helpful as you the world would be a better place, and i would have been diagnosed a long time ago, but alas the teacher only thinks that the smart child sitting in the back looking out the window is bored. It doesnt hurt to get checked out, at least you know for sure and can rule out add if that isnt it.

Hope I've helped!

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