HELP!!12 yr son - ADHD - no respect, never thinks about what he does

05-11-2004, 08:53 AM

I posted the following on the Parenting board, but then thought it would be better posted here.

My 12 year old son has ADHD and has learning problems, so they tell me. In the later part of the year in primary they started teaching the kids to read. By the time he started grade 1 he was reading 1 or 2 grade levels above what he should have been. I've always been told he was the smartest, kid by far, in the class. In grade 5, I was told he was having learning difficulties and now they tell me he has learning problems. He was tested and they say the tests show that he is of low average intelligence. Anyone ever heard of something like this before. How can he go from being the smartest in the class to a challenged learner. Also, his teacher says he is very immature for his age. He does have friends, but doesn't keep them for long. He gets along better with kids about 5-8 years old.

Also, he's very disrespectful and swears a lot. Won't help out unless he thinks he will be paid. Today, I was visited by a neighbour who says he was carving names into her wooden playset. Apparently he continued to do so even after the other kids told him not to.

At home he is very disrespectful to me. He will go to the fridge and take whatever he feels like taking. I know kids go to the fridge for stuff, but this kid is always stealing food. I hide the kids' recess foods and juice paks in my bedroom and he will go in (without my knowing) and drink up the juice and eat the recess snacks and will lie to my face. He will lie about anything. Even if I see him do something, he will lie about it.

I am at my wits end with this child. I don't know what to do with him.

Any thoughts or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

05-11-2004, 09:09 AM

you need to take your child to a child psycharitis for an evaluation perhaps he needs counseling along with meds

05-11-2004, 09:42 AM

Whelans5, what you need to understand first and foremost is that learning disabilities and intelligence are not mutually exclusive. In fact, many of our ADHD kids have gifted IQ's. Many well-known geniuses have had ADD. The fact that your child is having trouble learning does NOT mean that he isn't still extremely bright. If he is *severely* ADD or learning disabled, his performance on an IQ test might not be accurate.

I think a thorough learning and psychological evaluation would be a good idea so that you know exactly what is going on.

I also think some family counseling is indicated. They could give you some skills to help you better deal with the challenges of raising this child.

Good luck!

05-12-2004, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whelans5

I posted the following on the Parenting board, but then thought it would be better posted here.

My 12 year old son has ADHD and has learning problems, so they tell me. In the later part of the year in primary they started teaching the kids to read. By the time he started grade 1 he was reading 1 or 2 grade levels above what he should have been. I've always been told he was the smartest, kid by far, in the class. In grade 5, I was told he was having learning difficulties and now they tell me he has learning problems. He was tested and they say the tests show that he is of low average intelligence. Anyone ever heard of something like this before. How can he go from being the smartest in the class to a challenged learner. Also, his teacher says he is very immature for his age. He does have friends, but doesn't keep them for long. He gets along better with kids about 5-8 years old.

Also, he's very disrespectful and swears a lot. Won't help out unless he thinks he will be paid. Today, I was visited by a neighbour who says he was carving names into her wooden playset. Apparently he continued to do so even after the other kids told him not to.

At home he is very disrespectful to me. He will go to the fridge and take whatever he feels like taking. I know kids go to the fridge for stuff, but this kid is always stealing food. I hide the kids' recess foods and juice paks in my bedroom and he will go in (without my knowing) and drink up the juice and eat the recess snacks and will lie to my face. He will lie about anything. Even if I see him do something, he will lie about it.

I am at my wits end with this child. I don't know what to do with him.

Any thoughts or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Is he on any ADHD drugs? My nephew's normally sweet personality was slowly changing when he was put on Adderall. Nothing as bad as you are describing, but he was becoming moody and aggressive at some times....he ended up not being on the Adderall for very long so the behavior stopped. I do remember witnessing a very uncharacteristic outburst against his father while on the drug, and one time he did not want to sit with his mom, whom he adores. But, now he is back to his old self minus any drugs; also, a new teacher and grade seems to have made his ADHD problems a thing of the past.

Anyway, if he's not on drugs he should be seeing someone about his behavior at any rate.

05-12-2004, 12:38 PM

There can be many items that result in disrespectful, angry reactions.

Causes... could be a combination of any of these, ADD with - low self esteem, poor social skills or lack of social experience, different teaching techniques, different learning abilities than classmates (visual, textual...), home life, self respect, peer pressures, sense of belonging or 'having a purpose' in life, day-to-day observations, stressful home life,...other neurological disorders....as well as the possibility of a brain tumor.

Sidenote; When ODD is present with ADHD, depression, tourette's, anxiety disorders, or other neuropsychiatric disorders, it makes life with that child far more difficult.

It is all too easy to blame the child for 'what they are doing to us'...but give them the benefit of the doubt. Do they really have control of what they are doing, and if so, do they have the life skills, or understand life skills to be socially interactive?

Keep faith, check out each possibility, ...and then observe. Sometimes we grasp to a diagnosis because it is an 'end' the unknown...but if after observation that things still don't quite fit... continue the search.

HELP!!12 yr son - ADHD - no respect, never thinks about what he does

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