Coping with anger?

07-09-2004, 08:34 AM

Hi, I'm new here, and I hope no one minds if I just jump in with a question.

I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but there is very little doubt in my mind that I am ADD. All the self-tests are dead on and reading what other ADD people say about themselves is like reading my own life story.

Anyways, my question is about anger. Is it common for people with ADD to have problems expressing anger inappropriately or getting angry more quickly than other people? I did grow up in an environment where I didn't learn how to properly express my emotions, but I wonder if ADD has something to do with it as well. I get frustrated very easily and am a perfectionist in everything I do. I also get stressed out easily when I feel like a situation is out of my control. This leads to a very quick temper and I often say things I don't really mean. These problems occur frequently while I'm on vacation and has created conflicts between my SO and myself. I hate that I can't enjoy vacations because I can't relax and just "go with the flow." I really want to start changing the way I react to frustrating situations so that I can enjoy myself more.

I'd like to know if there are special ways of dealing with anger problems from an ADD perspective, or if this is just a normal issue of anger management. Has anyone dealt with this problem who could offer coping strategies?

07-10-2004, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkPanther_04

Hi, I'm new here, and I hope no one minds if I just jump in with a question.

I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but there is very little doubt in my mind that I am ADD. All the self-tests are dead on and reading what other ADD people say about themselves is like reading my own life story.

Anyways, my question is about anger. Is it common for people with ADD to have problems expressing anger inappropriately or getting angry more quickly than other people? I did grow up in an environment where I didn't learn how to properly express my emotions, but I wonder if ADD has something to do with it as well. I get frustrated very easily and am a perfectionist in everything I do. I also get stressed out easily when I feel like a situation is out of my control. This leads to a very quick temper and I often say things I don't really mean. These problems occur frequently while I'm on vacation and has created conflicts between my SO and myself. I hate that I can't enjoy vacations because I can't relax and just "go with the flow." I really want to start changing the way I react to frustrating situations so that I can enjoy myself more.

I'd like to know if there are special ways of dealing with anger problems from an ADD perspective, or if this is just a normal issue of anger management. Has anyone dealt with this problem who could offer coping strategies?

I can relate to many of the feelings you are experiencing. First off, I've come to the conclusion that I am a perfectionist which led me to believe I had ADD in the first place. For example, if I didn't have everything organized the exact way I want it 24 hours a day, I'd flip out! I constantly lose things, but I realized it is because my mind is constantly racing. On my own, I developed new techniques like, saying to myself, "I put my keys on the desk." etc etc. I also get angry if things don't go my way. It's sort of like an obsessive thing. My advice is to figure out the culprit of what is bothering you and try to fix it. How stressful is your life? Maybe you need to make changes like eating healthier and exercise. Sometimes stress is related to anger, and your stress is probably because everything isn't perfect. What are some of the things that bother you if it isn't a certain way? Believe me, I can relate to your situation.

07-10-2004, 04:13 PM

Jessicca,

Thanks for responding! My life isn't that stressful, although I do tend to worry about things too much. Right now I'm stressed out about having to take my GRE and apply to grad school by the end of the year, and I'm always stressed about money. I do think getting more exercise would help,as I remember being less moody when I used to work out regularly.

The biggest thing is that I get frustrated when things don't go my way. Things that would only slightly upset other people cause me to really overreact and I don't know how to deal with that without blowing up. I don't know if there's a way to prevent myself from getting upset in the first place, but I'd like to figure out a way to diffuse it once it's there.

08-07-2004, 09:16 AM

I really think it's part of it. My Ex, is ADHD. We fought on every vacation we were on.. We never got along, because he would scream over anything-people started to think he just had a nasty temper. He can't handle stress, pressure or people getting on him about everything. He can't even sit and watch a simple baseball game without having a stroke. He takes the game so seriously that if the team makes even one mistake, he explodes and yes has broken things. It was so fustrating to me, that I had no choice to leave. I tried to tell myself that it was mostly likely the untreated ADHD, but how long can one deal with it?? What you describe sounds like my ex, so please do yourself a favor and seek help in dealing with your Anger and emotions. Don't let it hurt your relationship like it did mine.

How does your SO handle your outbursts?

08-08-2004, 06:13 PM

I was diagnosed with ADD a couple of months ago. I am 26. Over the past few years I noticed that I got frustrated and angry very easily. Things like waiting in line at the store or making a wrong turn, etc made me so upset and angry. I would get headaches from being so frustrated. This is definately a result of having ADD. Since I started taking my prescription, things are soooo much better. My fiance says I am so much more fun to be around and he is glad I feel more at peace. We were just on vacation and we had a great time. No stupid little arguments at all, even with a 20 hour drive each way. If I forget to take my pill one day, I definately notice it. I will start to get frustrated with things by the afternoon. I am so much happier and more focused since I started taking my prescription.

08-09-2004, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkPanther_04

Hi, I'm new here, and I hope no one minds if I just jump in with a question.

I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but there is very little doubt in my mind that I am ADD. All the self-tests are dead on and reading what other ADD people say about themselves is like reading my own life story.

Anyways, my question is about anger. Is it common for people with ADD to have problems expressing anger inappropriately or getting angry more quickly than other people? I did grow up in an environment where I didn't learn how to properly express my emotions, but I wonder if ADD has something to do with it as well. I get frustrated very easily and am a perfectionist in everything I do. I also get stressed out easily when I feel like a situation is out of my control. This leads to a very quick temper and I often say things I don't really mean. These problems occur frequently while I'm on vacation and has created conflicts between my SO and myself. I hate that I can't enjoy vacations because I can't relax and just "go with the flow." I really want to start changing the way I react to frustrating situations so that I can enjoy myself more.

I'd like to know if there are special ways of dealing with anger problems from an ADD perspective, or if this is just a normal issue of anger management. Has anyone dealt with this problem who could offer coping strategies?

Control and anger issues are probably more complex than I could tell you, but just to let you know, my husband has always had major anger/control issues. He grew up with a very strict father and his mother never allowed him to say anything against what his father was doing. In other words, no matter how unjustly mean his dad was, he was to say nothing and still respect him. So, I think my husband makes up for his feelings of helplessness as a child by now being the controller and anger is a method of control. Or maybe it's just inner anger that's been with him since then? I don't know for sure, but instead of deciding to be the opposite type of person, he turned into someone alot like his dad in the process.

Behaviors, I do believe, are not just brain functions but can be learned by example or situations.

The only way I got my son not to follow the same path is that I did allow him to express himself and did not support my husband when he was wrongly being unreasonable, which happened most of the time!

08-14-2004, 08:58 AM

I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone with this. I have a hard time controlling my anger or expressing it appropriately. I also grew up in a choatic home where I did not learn how to do that. I have been diagnosed with ADD and my doc says that many ADDer's have trouble controling impulse which can be linked with anger outbursts, etc. I'm on 10mg of Adderall and 10mg of Lexapro for depression. The adderall has definately improved my focus and also fidgeting, though that's not completely gone. I think though that I am able to think before I act a little better now than before. But some of this takes more than medicine, it takes practice and use of strategies to cope. The change that I noticed in me does reduced some of my anxiety and frustration which would help the anger part. But now I feel like when I do something wrong it's worse because I tell myself I should be better and not mess up as much, but I think part of that is telling myself that meds or not, being better than I was or not, I'm still going to make mistakes and I'm still going to forget something...but it's ok, because regular people do that to. I hope I didn't rant to much for you all. Thanks for listening.

08-14-2004, 09:36 AM

It was very interesting to read the responses here about anger outbursts and control. I haven't read much in the many ADD books about anger outbursts and even though I was pretty sure it was related somehow to ADD, I didn't know how common - or uncommon - it was for others.

I'm a perfectionist, but not in all phases of my life. Mostly it's with creative things (music, writing, web design, etc.) and probably because it's something that I can only blame myself for if it doesn't come out right (I'm sure some of you can relate).

I too get frustrated when situations get out of my control or when situations don't turn out like I had pictured them in my mind (such as when my wife and I have plans with friends or family and then everything gets changed at the last minute and it turns out not to be what I was expecting). It's a very difficult emotion to keep in check. It's almost as if it just slowly takes over until I have to let it ride out of my system.

The one thankful thing is that I am not a violent person. I have thrown small things (non-breakable) or knocked over things, but I've never been physical with my outbursts. Anyway, this has been interesting. I hope to find a good way to handle these situations in the future. Good luck with everything.

Coping with anger?

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