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    Old 07-16-2004, 06:31 PM   #1
    JDRkids
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    Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    I am new here. I have never posted on an ADD board before because my daughter has always done pretty much ok with her ADD and meds.

    Well, recently she has not been taking her Adderall and has managed to pass the written portion of the drivers test BUT not the driving part. I am just sick about this. It throws the reality in of her kindergarten years when they told me she just isn't ready for Kindergarten. Now here we are at 16, and she is not ready to drive.

    She has taken drivers ED, passed with an A and B. When she goes to take the drivers test at the BMV, she fails.

    I am just at a loss here. Not sure if I should have her try the third time or not. If she fails the 3rd time, she must apply for another permit, wait the time and then take alllll the tests over again. Her self confidence has plummeted.

    My heart hurts for her so terribly! Not to mention the endless hours working with her on this and all the hours I have had her driving my car.

    I do not know what to do. Even if I "MAKE " her take her meds, it is no guarantee she will pass.

    JDR"s kids

     
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    Old 07-16-2004, 07:09 PM   #2
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    Sorry but I feel a failed written test might be because a.d.d. but the driving test should have nothing to do with the a.d.d...They should tell you what part of the test she did bad on..Practice that with her then let her take it again..I still can not paralel park.

     
    Old 07-16-2004, 08:00 PM   #3
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    hello i have ADD and im 17 and just got out of driver's ed summer class and passed. i was also told that i wasn't ready for certain grades and i actually failed fourth. and in 5th grade i got straight F's but they passed me because they didn't put me in special ed class.but anyway I'm in 11th now and got almost straight B's except for one C and I'm not in special ed, I mostly advanced classes,so I think your daughter needs to do one thing at a time and try not to multi task her or she should just put a little more efffort into her studies.


    hoped this helped.

    liona

    Last edited by liona; 07-22-2004 at 10:30 PM.

     
    Old 07-16-2004, 11:05 PM   #4
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    special ed class? oh my!!! the school district gets extra money for each child they have in special ed.. I shouldn't get started on our public school system but just like to warn parents do not accept this label for your child..I have done my best before each school year to educate each and everyone of my childs teachers. They let my son run the errands for them. walk by him every so often and pat him on the back..these little things help..I don't know about all ,but my son does not fear punishment and does much better for the nice teachers. If they are super nice to him he wants to please them and does well. I tell them that I know I am asking them to go out of thier way but in the long run it will save us both time and frustration..If they are the type that wants to show him whos boss they will lose..lol..so far so good...(knock on wood) This post upsets me so much.. Please parents know that your child is not slow by any means..please don't let any school official tell you this..GRRRRRRRRRRRR....

     
    Old 07-17-2004, 07:45 AM   #5
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JDRkids
    She has taken drivers ED, passed with an A and B. When she goes to take the drivers test at the BMV, she fails.... Not to mention the endless hours working with her on this and all the hours I have had her driving my car.
    Taking a written test is one thing but taking a test in a closed, moving vehicle with someone inspecting your every move is something else. Esp. since ADD can result in being challenged due to multi-tasking overload, so to speak; the highways and some of the maneuvers, like parallel parking uphill can be challenging. I ended up doing 'mock runs' with my son-- I think we did 10 or so-- until he did it pretty much '2nd nature'. There's no guarantee they'll do the same driving routine on each exam, but if they do, practice can help alot. But why doesn't she want to hang in there with the meds for at least long enough to do this? Is it time off for the summer?

     
    Old 07-17-2004, 10:48 AM   #6
    JDRkids
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    Thank you all so very much! It has been devastating to say the least.

    As far as my daughter and her meds, she has been on the adderal CR, she does not like the way she feels on it at all. I suggested the reg adderall 5mg. but she grumps at that. But she needs the meds so she will have to suffice. I spose it would not hurt to have her retested , it has been awhile.

    Practice, practice ,practice is all I can offer her other than words of encouragement. I know she can do it because she passes different things at each driving exam. But the reality of it all is, if she fails this next driving exam, that is it for ehr for quite some time. WHen she took her driving exam at the small town DMV, the only reason why she failed was because her ""S"" wasn't sufficient when she parrallel parked. Whatever that means.

    My biggest scare is that she is not focusing properly when she drives. SHe makes silly mistakes, forgets to yield the right of way kind of stuff. But generally speaking.... how many times have you been at an intersection and the same things happens?

    I'll not even go into the Education system on ADD And the rights of kids with ADD in a classroom setting. The only time there 504 lends any salience is when they are in college, and it takes a loooong time to get from Kindergarten to college!

    Thanks so much for all your input, I will keep working with her until it becomes so automatic to her that she will just do it.

    Living with a child with ADD can be a challenge at times. I know I cannot wrap her in cotten and tell the world to help her out just because she is ADD.....so what I have come to learn is that I have to do whatever it may be so my child will be able to be an independent individual someday, it just takes working with them more I guess.

    jdrkids

     
    Old 07-19-2004, 01:24 AM   #7
    lateeth
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    I am sorry but i find the above posts to be very scary. My daughter is 18 and is just learning to drive. I know how difficult it is for teen agers without ADD to focus and drive carefully and how they all think they are invinceable. That coupled with being more immature at 16 and with ADD, i cannot imaging wanting my child to get a liscense if she cannot pass the driving test, especially if the person giving the test has no idea she has ADD so is not failing her for that reason. I would be worried sick every time she was out in the car. If she is not passing for minor things that is one thing but if she is spacing out going thru intersections, that is quite another. I would encourage you to ask each time what the failure was for and then evaluate.
    My son has mild ADD...isn't quite old enough to drive, but if he reacts in a car the way he does in life when the time comes, I will want him to have lots of extra practice and training and to make sure he is focusing well when he has the car keys. I would be happy to chauffer him places to insure his safety and that of the others on the road. I think his life is more important than his frustration level.

     
    Old 07-19-2004, 09:33 AM   #8
    JDRkids
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    It is a difficult time for her as well as myself. SHe has succumbed to the fact that it is a risk that I am not willing to take when her safety is an issue, not to mention that of other drivers.

    She has agreed to take the meds, only because it frightened her the other day when she sort of spaced while just driving.

    It is hard for her and makes her very sad that she is unable to do the things that her peers can do. It can be embarassing for ehr and humiliating as well. Right now she is in the acceptance sad mode of learning that once again, ADD is dictating her life. IT is hard to watch your child suffer like this.

    Fortunately though she does has a manner about her that can be realistic. IT is no longer the blame of me for her not passing the test, but that of ADD. Once she is on her meds again and I work with her all over again, I am sure she will feel more confident with time and be able to drive at some point. It may just not be WHEN she would want it to be. But that is ok, I told her I would take her wherever she wants to go.

    Today, she has gone swimming at the local pool with friends. She would liek a membership there, so we will see about that rather than getting her old car worked on ( it was her step sisters' car for awhile)seems the brake lights are not working and we need to take it into the shop.

    I continue to encourage her by telling her this is not the end, just the beginning ....again.... and we will do whatever it takes to get her where she wants to be in her life and to help her reach her goals.

    JDRKIDS

     
    Old 07-20-2004, 09:56 PM   #9
    lateeth
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    I just wrote a reply to you and pushed back instead of send so I apologize if you get this answer twice. I seem to have lost the first answer but maybe it will show up.
    I wanted to say, I am sorry if i sounded too hard on you when i wrote the other day. It was just that reading over the thread i was feeling like everyone thought it perfectly ok to drive without meds and having failed the driving test. I am sure they did not mean that but it sounded like that to me. I know how frustrating it can be for both parents and kids with ADD! It is a daily battle. But I have heard that lots of kids get their life under better control and learn to live with their ADD in their upper teens, so hang in there. Some of the most successful people have ADD, they have great energy and are most often quite smart...it just takes them some time to figure out how to fit their square peg in the round holes of life. Good luck!! It may take a little longer but you will get there.

     
    Old 07-21-2004, 04:33 AM   #10
    JDRkids
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    ""it just takes them some time to figure out how to fit their square peg in the round holes of life.""

    No offense was taken, and I have heard that above quote all my childs' academic life. I am one of those mom's who has studied ( on my spare time if there is any such thing during college years) ADD extensively. Because of my daughter.

    I will say that I find it inaccurate through watching my child grow with this ADD. I have always explained ADD to her as being a 9 volt battery in the world of "AAA" techology. It is a much needed battery for those things needing one, but most things take a "AAA" battery, it is more common. SO when she goofs , I just tell her it is a 9 volt thing, and she accepts that, understands it and is ok with it.

    The square peg analogy implies that the child does not fit in and never will. I do not believe in that.

    One thing I think everyone needs to keep in mind is that there are hundreds of individuals out there that have undiagnosed ADD and still manage to pass the drivers test at some point.They drive everyday. To me, she will pass when she is ready, it is very disheartening for me to watch her struggle and fail again at something she wants very much and I want very much for her.

    I will not allow her to drive on her own until I feel confident she is prepared. This is beyond the realm of the "over protective mom", the "my baby is now driving jitters" and the worry of her being gone in a machine that has the potential to kill her and others. I have known several teens that have been killed in catr accidents. They were our neighbors' children. They were safe and competant drivers until their accident. I have watched my neighbors grieve over the years for the loss of their child, it is the worst thing a parent can ever go through.

    I see your point, and it is much taken, but please do keep in mind that I am a responsible parent, just seeking input from other parents and teens with similar issues. Maybe it is just to comfort myself, or maybe I do this on board stuff to gain insight and ideas in raising a child with this type of disability....not sure.

    All I know is that it has been a rough road and I could not have done it without the help of our Pediatrician, friends that understand and also those friends that were critical of the decisions I make concerning her. All information is useful, it gives us options and helps us look at every possible option and scenerio available.

    jdrkids

     
    Old 07-22-2004, 10:42 PM   #11
    liona
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    For a person having ADD my whole life i must say it was so hard at first to do good in school and i can remember i used to play sick when it came to reading and doing math. but over the years somehow i've coped with it and tried not to let it ruin my life. sometimes today i'll wait to the very last moment to get something done or i'll be listening to a teacher on minute then the next be in my own little world floatin on cloud 9. i simply do not let my imagination run a way with me.


    ADD is all about focus focus focus.

     
    Old 07-23-2004, 02:00 PM   #12
    JDRkids
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    Maybe I should have my daughter read all this, and my son who I am sure is ADHD. HE turned to alcohol as many do. He used to steal his sister's adderall all the time.

    HOW DOES ONE COPE? MAybe I should run a thread on this for options/input/ect. MAybe it is just me, trying to direct my child in an non-ADD world to an ADD world. I really try to keep a positive attitude, and study and read all about opinion, tests, scientific data to try and help my daughter, to try and cope myself with all this.

    As a parent I want the very best for my children, and I truly try so diligently to help them but all I can do is help, I cannot fix their world. All I cna do is all I CAN DO with the advice from all the professionals. It is just tough watching them fail over and over again.

    Maybe it is I who has to learn to accept all this and not try to help or rescue my child/children.

    TO me it is just a differnet world. All family members have to learn to cope and it is so very diffulct at times. Any ideas?

    Ahhhh so much for the yuck parent view. It has been an excruciating difficult week. I should probably not try to analyze, try to help. But darnit, I just do not know what else to do.

    It just really hurts to watch my kids go through all this. Maybe I am experiencing the "poor me Fridays" and just need some " feel sory for you's" Not sure anymore.


    BTW: My son of 24 which I am sure is ADHD, is in the hospital due to a rage fight. HE usually ends up in jail, was prob drunk,this time the head injuries were so bad that they have taken MRI's.

    I hate this part. He is a grown adult, I am out of options.

    Sorry I am such a downer....what a week!
    jdrkids

     
    Old 07-23-2004, 02:32 PM   #13
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    ADD and ADHD kidsa re different. They are some of my favorite kids in the classroom as they tend to think outside of the box. I never thought about them driving as I don't teach kids at that age level. As they are so easily distracted, I would be afraid of them driving. No offense.

    You could make a whole project out of her means of transportation. When we have ADD or ADHD kids in the class we give them special projects to focus them. She could study alternate ways of transportation and how to get around on the city bus system. I took buses until I was almost 25 due to my stance on the environment. I still don't drive much now.

    It is hard for kids who don't drive to try to fit in with kids who do. been there. My kids were there also.

    My daughter chose to take the bus everywhere. Other daugher, wouldn't be caught dead on the bus.

    She needs to be able to feel indepedant. Have her and a close friend take some rides on the bus to see where it goes, how it feels and maybe take a ride to the mall. It is an interesting sociological experience.

    I would never call those kids pegs or refer to fitting them anywhere. Everyone is unique and an individual. There are no pegs or holes in my world, only individuals.


     
    Old 07-24-2004, 11:29 AM   #14
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JDRkids
    I am new here. I have never posted on an ADD board before because my daughter has always done pretty much ok with her ADD and meds.

    Well, recently she has not been taking her Adderall and has managed to pass the written portion of the drivers test BUT not the driving part. I am just sick about this. It throws the reality in of her kindergarten years when they told me she just isn't ready for Kindergarten. Now here we are at 16, and she is not ready to drive.

    She has taken drivers ED, passed with an A and B. When she goes to take the drivers test at the BMV, she fails.

    I am just at a loss here. Not sure if I should have her try the third time or not. If she fails the 3rd time, she must apply for another permit, wait the time and then take alllll the tests over again. Her self confidence has plummeted.

    My heart hurts for her so terribly! Not to mention the endless hours working with her on this and all the hours I have had her driving my car.

    I do not know what to do. Even if I "MAKE " her take her meds, it is no guarantee she will pass.

    JDR"s kids
    I'm sorry, I know your intentions are good, but the thing here that seems to be a consistant with ADD kids is that their parents/teachers/peers put alot of importance and pressure on them about things that in reality are not important. I saw this very thing in my brother-in-laws' family with his ADHD diagnoised son. The answer is to let go of what we perceive as important goals/deadlines. A little bit of pressure to achieve in life can be motivating; too much can cause panic and sometimes addiction/social alienation/bad behaviors.

    I know we parents want to see our kids keep up with the best of them, but some just need more time than others to reach those goals; and some are not meant to reach certain goals but have their own road to follow which is sometimes off the main highway of life.

    No way on heaven and earth I myself was ready to have a driver's license at 16 and I knew it....I was distracted alot and fearful of the road on top of it.

    My mother said, no big deal, don't worry, you will be a different person in a few years. Yep, after my 18th birthday and more practice, I felt better about my driving and passed the test. Only one ticket (let myself get in too much of a hurry one day) in 29 years of driving and no accidents....not bad for someone who got a D in Driver's ED.

     
    Old 07-27-2004, 12:14 AM   #15
    lateeth
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    Re: Daughter has failed driving test twice now, worried mom

    Hi JDRkids, it's lateeth back again(had a bunch of my teeth pulled the other day so i've been dwelling on the dental board). I do not feel that life is all about round holes. There are plenty of holes in all shapes and sizes, but unfortunately, big beauracracy tends to make holes of all one shape and sometimes we have to be part of that world whether we want to or not. Those of us who do not like the round holes can avoid them as much as possible but there are times when we need to do things as we are told to get past them and on to something else. School tends to be one of those times. There are alternate schools for those of us lucky enough to find them and afford the right ones, but most go to the large schools where one size tends to fit all. I personally do not have ADD but i work for a large corporation where things are often done large scale fitting the lowest common denominator. Talk about round holes! But i have to suffer through some to find the places at work where i do not have to act like everyone else. I could go and work somewhere else, but there are other things i like about my job. My husband, who i suspect has ADD could never work for a large corporation. Following all the many little rules would drive him nuts. My point is that life is riddled with situations where we have to adapt. Early on in life, I think the ADD child has to adapt a lot more and that makes it so much more frustrating. Later, i think the choices are more varied (for most people). And many teenagers have the governmental directives to go to school etc, along with the feeling that they have to be, dress and act just like everyone else their age in order to be accepted. That's a lot of pressure on someone who doesn't easily slip into things. And they in turn put pressure on their parents trying to convince their parents that they are the only one who doesn't have xxxxx or get to do xxxxxx. They can be very convincing sometimes too. And I have seen so many parents give in to their children quickly on everything they ask for fearing their children will be unhappy if they do not. Sometimes when we have children who are not the mainstream we overcompensate on this a bit too.
    Being a parent is a very difficult job. And at times it takes very long to see the fruits of your labor, you never know whether you are making the right choices. But if you are interested in your children's welfare(which you certainly sound like you are) they can only benefit from your wise and caring guidance. You are going thru a very difficult time right now, but often things change for the better when you least expect it.
    I know this is just my opinion and others have differing opinions.

     
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